The Choice (a Painful Past)

99

Denise kept me up to date on things that were happening with Will. She told me that she wouldn't, if I didn't want her to, but I still felt like I needed to know. Just so that I would know when he was lying about something.

That's what I told myself anyway.

It had been a few months now, and I still had strong feelings for him. I tried to shove them down, and ignore them, but sometimes, they would just bubble to the surface, destroying me again. When I would see pictures of him with Kelly, who he was now in a relationship with, it literally felt like my heart was being ripped apart.

Then, every time she wasn't around, he was asking to sleep with me, one more time. I was glad that he asked. Not because I was going to do it, but because it reminded me of what a snake he was.

Denise tried to get me to go out with her and her boyfriend, Bryon, but I didn't want to be a third wheel.

"Oh, come on! You'll have some fun, maybe meet someone." She insisted.

I shook my head.

"No, thanks. Seriously, I don't want to meet anyone right now. I'm still not over Will. I don't want him back, but that wound is still there. Plus, why would I want to meet someone at a bar? I rarely even drink."

"You don't have to drink. People do go there just to listen to music, dance, and have fun." She exclaimed.

That was such bullshit, and she knew it. I started laughing and shook my head again.

She joined in.

"Okay, so maybe most people drink there, but I'm sure there are a few that don't! I mean, I haven't seen any, but I'm sure they exist. I just don't want you sitting home alone, moping over that asshole, Cal."

"I'm not moping over him!" I exclaimed. "Honestly, I'm not. I'm just not ready to meet anyone and I have responsibilities here that I can't just abandon. If I don't do it, then who will? My mom needs me, and Ben is staying home this weekend. Plus, the other kids are coming over to spend the weekend with us. I can't leave her here with all of them. She'll go crazy and my house will be destroyed. No, I need to be here this weekend." She opened her mouth to object, but I stopped her. "BUT," I replied. "I will consider going over to your place next weekend to hangout. Just me, no kids. You can invite a couple of people over if you want, but not anyone that you're trying to set me up with. Deal?"

She rolled her eyes and glanced back at Bryon, who was leaning up against the car. He just shot me a grin and shrugged.

"Fiiine...but Bryon has this friend on the force, who-" She started.

"NO." I said, cutting her off. "I mean it, Denise. If I come over there and you start trying to make me talk to someone, or I even get the feeling that you're trying to set me up with someone, I will leave. Promise me that you won't do that."

"UGH, FINE. Spoilsport." She exclaimed, before she stuck her tongue out at me, like a two-year-old toddler.

"Did you really just do that?" I laughed.

"Yes, I did. You drive me so crazy, that I resort to acting like a child. You suck. Now, I guess I'm gonna go, without my bestie. I'm going to be so bored and lonely. I can't believe you're going to let me go through that." She replied, poking her bottom lip out.

"Hey!" Bryon exclaimed, holding out both hands. "What about me?"

She giggled, as she looked back at him. "I guess you'll have to do." She replied, winking at him.

"That hurts." He said, as he brought his hand to his chest, like his heart hurt.

"You're fine." She replied, grinning at him, before she looked back at me. "Seriously, you're sure you don't wanna go?"

I nodded. "Yes, I am sure that I don't want to go. Maybe next time, okay?"

"Okay." She sighed. "Guess we better get going. Talk to you soon. Love you!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

"I love you too." I replied. "See you."

She and Bryon got back into their car, and I watched them drive away. I felt a deep ache inside my chest, and it took me a minute to realize that it was loneliness. I didn't miss Will, but I did miss being in a relationship.

I sighed and turned to go back inside my house. It wasn't long before my house was full of children and their loudness. I enjoyed the chaotic energy that they had sometimes, but tonight was not one of those nights. I asked Ben to please keep an eye on everything and to come get me, if he needed me.

He nodded, but never took his eyes from the TV screen, where he was fighting something on some game. I sighed and made my way back to my room. I was going to have to listen out for arguments, and maybe go check on them every so often.

I felt exhausted, though I hadn't really done anything that day to feel that way. I changed into my favorite pajama shorts set and crawled into bed.

After pulling up some show to be background noise, I picked up my phone and opened Facebook. I hadn't meant to do that. I had wanted to go to Instagram but had hit Facebook instead.

The first thing that I saw was Will and his new girlfriend. Nausea hit my stomach hard, when I saw them kissing and his arms wrapped around her plump waist. I should've just closed the app immediately, but I couldn't.

It was like a train wreck that I couldn't look away from. The caption was what hit me the hardest.

It had only been about 7 and a half months since I had broken up with Will. I knew that he would have someone else on his arm soon after, but I didn't expect this.

Not this soon.

The caption read, "My baby is finally moving in with me! Can't wait to wake up to her beautiful face every day."

It seemed like a million different emotions flew through me at once, just switching back and forth between themselves. Anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, resentment, and more. It felt like they just swirled around inside of me, until they mixed together and left one giant mess.

I wiped the tears from my face and closed the app. Then, I deleted it from my phone.