The Choice (a Painful Past)

145

"Really?" He asked, grinning joyfully. "Blue? Your whole head? With those blonde eyebrows?"

"Shut up!" I laughed. "It was more like the bottom half of my hair. I won't be doing it again. That stupid dye damaged my hair, badly."

"What kind did you use? There are a lot of dyes that won't damage your hair now. They're a little pricey, but they're worth it. If you're doing it yourself, I mean. I usually get mine done at a salon." He replied, like the money was nothing.

I guess it wasn't to him.

"I don't remember what brand. It was box dye. That's pretty much all I can afford, and even then, not that often. If you haven't noticed, I don't have much money. What I do get, I get from my mom, or from selling stuff." I said, quietly.

He was silent for a moment, before he glanced over at me. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me, just for a second.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I don't think we've ever talked about what kind of job you have, or anything." He responded.

His tone automatically had me feeling embarrassed. I knew that my life wasn't glamorous, but it was the one that I had.

"Well, now you do. I don't have a job. Not one that pays anyway. I take care of my mother and Ben. That's it." I replied, defensively. "Can't just up and go to a salon any time that I want."

He fell silent again and we rode on for a few miles, before he turned down one of the old backroads, that we used to ride as kids.

"This place hasn't changed much." He said, quietly, as he peered out his window, at the thick forest.

"Yeah, most things here don't." I replied, just as quietly.

"I don't know. It has more character now. It's more overgrown, adding more beauty to the forest. The trees have grown older, weathered a few more storms. It's made them stronger." He said, sending me an apologetic smile.

He didn't have anything to apologize for. I was just being defensive.

I sighed and smiled back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You didn't know. Money is a touchy subject for me, but I made my life what it is, with the choices that I made. Just like you did. I'm proud of you, Colby. You and Sam. You've really done well for yourselves."

He shrugged and I noticed that his cheeks flushed a little.

Was he embarrassed?

"We've done okay, I guess. We're not done though. There's still so much that we want to do. I'm actually working on recording my first song." He replied, with his cheeks reddening even more. "No one but Sam knows about that. I don't know why I just told you."

I felt a rush of some kind of emotion, but I wasn't sure what it was. Happiness, but something else.

Pleased? I guess I was pleased that he had told me something that no one else knew, besides Sam.

I smiled and hid my face, so that he couldn't see.

"Thank you for sharing it with me." I said, quietly. "Is there a rough draft, or something, of it? Can I hear it?"

"No!" He exclaimed, automatically.

My eyes widened in surprise, at his outburst.

"Wow. Okay. Sorry." I replied.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just... I just don't want anyone to hear it, unless I finish it. I promise that I'll send it to you, before I release it to the public though." He said, flashing me a quick, apologetic smile.

"Okay." I said, smiling back. "So, change of subject. What's it like living in LA?"

We were still headed down the old back road, but we would be at the end of it soon. The next road would take us into the next town over.

"It's okay. Sometimes, it's awesome. Sometimes, it's too much. I guess it depends. You have to be really careful on who you trust though. Everyone is determined to make it there, and they'll run over anybody to reach the top. I've been burned a few times by people who I thought were my friends. I keep my circle really small now. Just Sam and Kat mostly. Then, my other best friend, Brennen. That's about it. I still occasionally talk to the guys that used to live with us, but not a lot. Sam and I are mostly focused on work. When we aren't working, we rest, then we party. Work hard, play hard, and all that." He said, as he slowed to a stop at the red light.

"I don't know how you guys party so much." I replied, shaking my head. "I could never. My body doesn't recover as fast as it used to. Plus, I just prefer to smoke and chill, instead of being drunk. My therapist says that it's because I don't want to lose control. Like, drinking will make me do things that I normally wouldn't do." I snapped my mouth shut, when I realized that I had mentioned my fucking therapist.

Why would I do that? That was the second time that I had done that. He was going to think that I was just incredibly fucked in the head.

I guess I was though.

"Yeah?" He responded. "I can understand that. That's part of what makes drinking fun, though. You get to be the person that you would be, if you weren't worried about what people would think, or how you act, or what you say. It's sort of liberating, I guess. It makes a party interesting, for sure." He laughed, and the sound brought a smile to my face. "We don't actually party as much as you may think though. I know we post it on social media a lot, so it seems that way. Shit, maybe we do. I don't know."

"Just don't let it become a problem." I replied.

He glanced over at me, then back to the road. He knew how much I worried about addiction, because he knew my family story. I hadn't told him much about my relationship with Will, but he knew a little.

I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"Don't worry about me, Callie. I'm okay. Promise. Got any ideas of where you wanna go yet?" He changed the subject.

I shook my head.

"Not really. Where do you wanna go? You're the one that hasn't been here in years."

"You're right. Soooo...Radium Springs?" He suggested.

"Works for me. It's still so beautiful there, but they've upgraded the sitting areas and stuff. There's even a small outside gym type area there now." I told him.

"Really?" He asked, in surprise. "An outside gym? That sounds pretty cool. It's been forever since I've worked out. I kind of miss it."

I didn't respond. Instead, I just stared out the window at the trees that flew by.

I didn't work out. I didn't enjoy it. Maybe I would be able to lose weight, if I did, but I could never go to the gym.

I was too worried about people watching me and judging me. I couldn't do anything at home, because there just wasn't enough room. Sometimes, I would go walking, but that didn't really accomplish anything, because it wasn't an everyday thing.

I just didn't have time, with everything else that I had to do.

We rode in a comfortable silence, listening to his music. I didn't really know any of the songs, because I only knew Will's old music.