Contemplation

The distance between dreams and reality

I'm cold

I feel something on my chest

It started in my stomach and felt heavier, horrible, climbing up my throat

He is there

But it is all a dream

I take buses and trains

I hitch rides

I walk until my feet bleed

He is so close yet I cannot reach

I'm a woman now, no longer a child

Maybe he doesn't recognize me

I call him name

I dial his number, each time straight to voicemail

I'm so close to him, I can almost see him

One blink

He's gone

Further than I last saw him

I call him again

Screaming his name

He doesn't turn
Does not hesitate with each step

Life passes him as if I don't exist

I believe the nightmare is true...

I cry

I feel an ocean of endless, unbinding agony.

When I awake short of breath

I find it all a twisted dream

And yet

The agony stays

Unwanted, rooting itself in the darkness of my heart.....what's left of it