Contemplation

Hurt without meaning too

I messed up
So bad
When we were over
I tried to be with someone else
It makes me want to curl into myself and disappear knowing that I hurt you

You know what I did

I shared a bed with a stranger

I want to sob

I did
I am

I just wanted to wash away the reality of never having you

Of never telling you how deeply you have rooted yourself into my heart

But the thing is I did

And I don't think you can ever forgive me

Even though you answered with kindness

You blamed yourself

You said you had your shot and you lost it

No

I'm still here

I still want you

But I've hurt you and I can hear it in the silence and the change in your voice

And I wish I could rewrite all of my mistakes because it's only you

No one else