Contemplation

Heavy, Tear Stained Eyes

I don't know why I thought that I could lay with someone after everything

I wanted so badly to be healed

But then he was knocked out cold beside me while I laid awake, tears streaming down my face

I didn't say a word and put on my shoes and left silently

I should have said something

He didn't do anything wrong

But every word muttered to me bled into my heart

He had no part of this but it all reminded me of it

How dirty and horrible I felt

I clenched my eyes shut and gritted my teeth but the tears didn't stop

I backed out in the quiet of the night and left him

I didn't text to tell him I had left until I was home

The house was just as eerie as I walked in

I wanted to escape this

everything

I was so tired of feeling beaten and broken

I knew that deep in my heart I needed to heal

But every time I opened the door inside myself to do just that

my world blackened and the tears never gave me room to breathe