Contemplation

So Many Whys

I want to know why.

Why do people not want me in their friend group?
Why did everything feel forced with people from church a couple years back.
Why did a place that was supposed to make me feel welcome make me feel completely unwelcome and alone.
Why did I have to beg every person in my life to answer my texts or talk to me.
Why did I have to explain why I didn't want them to leave so they wouldn't even though in the end they would.
Why do I hook into people and not want them to leave me.
Why do the photos hurt and my chest ache when I see how happy I looked with them.
Why do people not acknowledge my feelings or ask how I am.
Why am I something people use all up and leave on the side of the road.
Why do I not get as many likes on Instagram or have as many guys as others falling at my feet. Why don't my siblings love me why do they hate me and taunt as pick at me.
Why did my dad leave me.
Why do I question God.
Why do I question so many things.
Why, why, why.
So many why's and so little answers.
Why don't I feel pretty.
Why do I want to cry when I see my face in the mirror, staring at me hideous and scared.
Why do I want a relationship but cower when asked out.
Why am I picky about the guys I like.
Why am I gullible and sad and all the things I am? Why