Contemplation

My Grief Over You

I let myself freely grieve over you for three days

I wallowed
I cried
I vented
I reminisced
I got rid of things that reminded me of you
I distracted myself
I ate good food
And
Wore comfy clothes
The time limit I set myself if up...

Yet

I can barely stand cleaning my room, showering, eating or putting a dab of makeup on.

You told me I didn't care

That you meant nothing to me

Tell that to the bags under my eyes, to the vodka and bourbon I drank in an effort to wash you away for just a moment

It did for a second

I was free for a good thirty minutes and then it all came crashing back and I poured so much vodka in my drink that my eyes watered

I wanted to vomit and tears begged to be let feee over what was lost

I tried to remind myself why I left and It was hard but everyday I feel a small piece of my heart heal.

I have to love myself and be patient with the process of healing

Just because I left doesn't mean I don't ache

I just didn't feel like with us together we would grow and better ourselves and each other

I wanted to do what was best

I needed too

Even if it hurts