Contemplation

The Burning OF A Victim

My eyes burn with the want to cry

my stomach twists and my chest tightens

I know the second I let them out, the tears won't stop

I feel so exposed and vulnerable

I want to cry and cry and die

I want it all to end

the pain

it consumes every fiber of my being from the cells in my body to the muscles in my throat constricting

My lips are chapped

dried shut from not speaking or drinking

I don't understand why this all haunts me

why am I always the villain

why is it that the the ones who tell the truth are criminalized

while the liars are coddled and fretted over

they say "the truth sets you free." I don't know if it does

what do i have to do in order for them to believe me

my own blood tells me to get over it

family is blood

well you must bleed black then

I won't accept that

I can't

it hurts beyond hurt

so much so that I don't think I will ever be able to describe it

betrayal

heartache

agony

disappointment...

none of them seem good enough of a word

All I know is that I have never not even in my father's death felt this utterly alone

can you heal this pain

please

it hurts

so much