Contemplation

The Path To The End

Trigger warning-Death/ Suicide

Everyday I block out the pain. I put up a wall and smile. "I'm good." I say cherrily, adding a hearty laugh.

I ignore everyhthing that reminds me of you.

or at least I try..

Yet my heart clenches reminding me that I can never outrun my past.

It will always be there.

I can't remember what you sound like, I need a picture to remember what you looked like. When I think of and your death I imagine you carrying a gun in the pocket of your shorts.

Your face is emotionless aside from the tears that continue to slide down your face.

You listen to the voices who whisper how horrible and unworthy you are.

With each step your chest grows heavy

You enter the shed leaving the door slightly ajar to let some sunlight in.

You let out a breath and it smells strongly of vodka, mixing with the smell of your sweat.

You take the gun out asking God to forgive you, tears roll down your neck, sobs rivet through you.

You think of your family but convince yourself that they don't love you. You place the gun in your mouth, placing it where you know it will end things instantly.

You pull the trigger.

The boom is deafening, you are gone. Your body falls against the wall.

Your face is pale and blood trickles down the side of your face.

Gone is the husband

Gone is the friend

Gone is the son

Gone is the brother

Gone is the father