On the outside

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I have learned to live in the shadows
At work
At home
With friends
It's easier every time
But I can't help that sometimes it's still lonely
I don't know what it is that forced me into the shadows
Maybe it's the awkwardness when I answer questions
Or the apologies I always repeat like a broken record
When I try to break away from the greyness into the light
I am lured back with words and promises of not feeling so exposed
I hate when I try to say something in response to a joke and am met with silence
But When someone repeats the same thing I said laughter fills the air and I feel a pit in my belly
Why is the world like this
I guess the question should be why am I an outsider no matter how hard I try

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