Contemplation

Hot water

Hot water burning my bones

My fist hits my face

I can't see as my tears mix with the water dripping from hair

The music quiets my sobs as I think of the ways

A bullet

Pills down my throat

The bitter taste of bleach

The knife sitting on the counter

Everything is pointless

My face burns from where my knuckles hit.

My cheekbone is purple.

I hide behind my hair and no one notices no matter how close they get or if they do they don't care enough to ask if I'm alright.

But heyyy I'm not... I'm not perfect right now.

It's been a moment or two since I've been asked how my days been.

I remember every harsh word that spoken.

I know it's hard to understand.

I barely do myself.

But my mind is dark right now.

I'm thinking of every way, all the time I can end it all.

So many ways, but I'm scared.

I don't know why I can't just wipe these feelings away.

I've lost a lot, I've learned.

I've shed some tears and I've waved goodbye.

I've seen the morning sun rise and I've watched the birds sing a lullaby.

But it's all so dark through my eyes.

Maybe I need help, but I've tired to tell people that I'm a little bit different right now.

That I'm not sure what to do they and they tell me why can't you just be okay?

Why can't you just wipe it all away why can't you just be okay?
Well.
You don't think that I've tried, that I've told myself to wake up and wipe those tears.

You don't think I've asked my fist why it's hurting me.
You don't think of asked those pills on the table to leave me alone.
I'm trying to ask for a little bit of help because I need someone to pick me up for a moment and drive me into the countryside where I can breathe air and watch the stars.
Just be okay
I'll be okay all alone someday. Oooh but it's hard always trying trying to chase those demons away, to chase them away