Contemplation

Trying To Wake Up

I look back at my past

but not the one far back

the things that just happened but are past tense

and it hurts

because recently I have let myself go in ways I never would have imagined

I don't trust my thoughts or my feelings

I've lost myself in the everyday hassle

of getting up

dragging my feet

I dress myself

I barely try

I only put on a tinge of mascara so they don't see how dark my eyes look

But it doesn't really help

nor make sense

I am just trying

one step at a time

one day

one hour

I try to pray to the sky and ask for guidance

I feel the urge to cry sometimes but nothing happens

I can see the difference in the mirror

but does anyone else

I am trying so hard to try

and I know I can

but I just want to be at the day already

where getting up and living doesn't

ache so much

and its hard not to ask myself

why are you such a bad person?