Contemplation

Protection

My breath is sick
I am sick
My stomach curls into itself and crawls up my throat but nothing happens.
I am alone and not
Beside me stands a friend
My hands are barely noticeable that they shake.
I laugh and pretend to be okay
My friend looks at me strangely as the man who hammered me down stands in my driveway
He tried to mine me for gold and once he got a taste he came back
He whispered to me the things that would happen if I told anyone
He covered my mouth and my tears slid over his sweaty hands
When I tried to rip away from him
His hand would glue to my mouth and he would hold me down with his body
I was too afraid then to scream so now my friend stands beside
Now I smile without meaning
I tell myself I am okay
But am I really if I am afraid that in a horde of people that he will grab me and my screams will never come

All that will be left of me is my breath and I won't make it more than a step away before I say my goodbye to the trees
I cannot survive it ever again
I will not