Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @RockDoll86

When I was a sophomore in high school, my parents told me I was moving. I loved my life in upstate New York. I had a group of best friends I grew up with, I was never bullied, and I had a boyfriend who I thought loved me. I've never been so wrong in my life. To this day, only one of my best friends has made an effort to keep in touch with me.

When I moved to Maryland, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. It was then that I discovered that he has been cheating on me for 3 months because I wouldn't give him sex. My self-worth plummeted, all because I wasn't ready to have sex with one boy. And just having moved, I had nobody to talk to. My best friend was states away and because of her schedule, it was hard to contact her when I needed her the most.

When I first started high school as a Junior in Maryland, I was actually excited. I got a chance to redefine myself, I could try new things, I could do whatever I wanted to better myself. I joined the marching band as a color guard girl and quickly began making friends, just with the boys though. If you live in Maryland as a teenager, you will understand why this was the case. If you haven't, let me enlighten you: Maryland has some of the most cliquey girls I've ever met in my life. They didn't even give me a chance. The only people who weren't cliquey were the boys, and that was fine by me. This is when my slut shaming began.

One girl in the marching band, specifically one girl who we will call Ash for the sake of her remaining anonymous, started a rumor that I was sleeping with the boys I was talking to and that's why they were still my friend. Slowly, the rest of the girls began telling everyone else that I was sleeping with the boys I was talking to and everyone in the marching band made me an outcast. They made it clear I was not welcome. But I wouldn't give up that easily. I began dating a few boys in the marching band, hoping that they would give me comfort that I craved at this point from all of the harshness that was thrown at me day in and day out. When they started showing interest sexually in me, I would end it. It was clear they were only dating me because of the rumors. I dated four boys in my Junior year and broke up with every single one because they only wanted sex from me, something I was not going to be comfortable with for a while. The rumors continued nonetheless and had spread like wildfire to the entire school. I was done. They got their wish. At the end of my Junior year, I quit the marching band.

In April of 2013, I met a boy through music. I started playing drums and he played guitar. He was my drug, he was my escape. He gave my support, he gave me comfort, he gave me love. And as a result, I slept with him. I don't know if it was out of love or out of lust, but I shared my first time with him... Only for him to break up with me 6 months later, telling me that I was too emotional for him. That I had too much baggage to deal with.

Half a day at high school and half a day at college. That was my schedule for my Senior year. But I still didn't have a single friend. The rumors were relentless at the high school I attended, so I became mute. I didn't talk to someone unless it was the teacher and they specifically asked me a question. I didn't go out of my way to make friends with someone who was only going to backstab me by believing the ridiculous rumors. In October of 2013, a boy pushed me into a wall and called me a dirty whore who needed to keep her legs closed. A girl and the rest of her clique surrounded me and told me that if I couldn't even use sex to keep a boyfriend, that I was a pathetic excuse for a human being. I began harming myself. But soon enough, my parents found out and gave me the help I needed to recover.

It's been a year and almost five months from then and I have not relapsed. I have a boyfriend who understands what I've been through because he went through the same thing. He helps me work through my issues, helps me when I feel like I want to cut again, helps me when I want start becoming depressed or when my social anxiety gets bad. I'm an A student at my college and I am consistently on the Dean's list.

I share my story openly because I want people to know it truly does get better. Do I resent what I went through? No. It made me the strong woman I am today. It made me perserverant, it made me the fighter I am today. If all you can see is the darkness surrounding you like I did, I can promise you that there is a light at the end of this tunnel brighter than the sun itself.