Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @baby_izzy

Ever since I started seeing boys in a different way, around middle school, I've been constantly "slut" shamed by none other than my own parents. When I was in 6th grade I had my first crush. I would email him a lot and we were close friends. My parents of course thought I was wayyyyy too young to be talking to boys, and you know they may have been right back when I was, you know, 11.

I moved schools every year since then, which was a challenge within itself. I could never hang on to boys long because I would always end up leaving them. Which apparently in this society is "slutty." Yes I am a passionate person, and yes I like boys! Is that so wrong? I've never slept with a boy, and still haven't. But my parents looked at me like I had a disease. I was never comfortable talking to my parents about boys who liked me or boys I liked, even if it was totally harmless. Like everyone says, "strict parents make sneaky kids." I deleted all of my texts, hid my phone from my parents, and didn't talk to them, unless of course we were fighting about something stupid.

Things got out of hand in 7th grade when I got a "boyfriend." I started going behind my parents back, sneaking away to his house, skipping band practice to hang out with him, and texting him 24/7. My parents let us hang out, and it was fine. But only because they thought he was GAY. Like are you serious. I can only hang out with guys that are gay. (Nothing against gay guys, obviously.)

But my parents constantly accused me of doing sexual things that I wouldn't have dreamed of; one time my mom saw me at school and I was sort of adjusting my bra , and later that day she accused me of taking it off for him! All because I was adjusting it over my shirt. She also accused me of sending nudes and she wouldn't let me take my phone into the bathroom or changing rooms anymore! What proof did she have? None. Because the things she accused me of were absolutely false. I couldn't believe my own mother was "slut" shaming me for things I had never done.

It got even worse when I moved schools yet again in 8th grade. I started going to a private school. Now when I got there, I had no idea how big of a difference it was going to be. In my public school you would see couples left and right and if you broke up, oh well, on to the next guy. Over here, dating someone is a big deal, so when a boy I had recently met asked me out, I thought it was normal. (We'll call him B.) So we dated, which I completely regret (B is probably the reason I don't have boyfriends anymore.) Eventually everyone told me he was a player and a "fuckboy," and I understood. He eventually broke up with me because I was a bitch (which I don't doubt), so it was a very bad experience.

I wasn't bothered by it, until I realized people thought I was a slut for dating him. My so-called "friend" was constantly making up stories just to prove to me that I was a slut (It's complicated, I know.) One of my closest friends said I only "dated to date." People kept talking about me behind my back, and the only person I could trust was, in fact, a boy. He is still my best friend to this day.

The point is, I felt as if I was not allowed to like boys. For what reason, I didn't know. I felt like my parents were constantly telling me how much of a screw up I was for simply being friends with boys. I didn't think it was my fault that girls would talk behind my back and call me a slut. My best friend, however, was open to me. He didn't think I was a slut. So my parents thought I was dating all these guys when really they helped me get through the day. Chances are I wouldn't be here without my best friend.

At the beginning of the year, after the whole fiasco with B, I started cutting. I didn't know why, I just craved it. I probably wouldn't have stopped if I didn't know that I had a friend back here who needed me just as much as I needed them. The whole year went on, I only cut twice and I went to rehab and therapy and doctors. They say I'm all right now, but the immense amount of insecurities and the minute amount of people to trust was giving me chronic stress and unstableness.

My point in telling this whole story? I wish the world would stop titling girls who even look at guys as "sluts." I can't even begin to talk to a guy without being shamed by my own mother and peers and called stupid and slutty. I go to public school now, and still struggle with the fact that boys try to talk to me, and I'm shamed for being nice. Like I said, I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I'm not boy crazy, either. But "slut" shaming is a recurring thing, no matter how many times I change schools and make new friends, the immaturity does not stop. Not even with the people I should trust the most. My parents.

If you ever witness or engage in "slut" shaming, stop. If you ever feel as if you are being "slut" shamed, please, please look for help. I was one of many and to be honest, my story isn't as bad as some of yours out there. People in this world are mean and cruel. Standing up for yourself is one of the best ways to make it stop. Don't let anybody drag you down because you like a boy and feel a certain way about him. Who knows what will happen when you decide to be your own person?