Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @les-enfants

Well, I don't really know how I convinced myself to write this. At first I thought of not disclosing my name but if there's something I've learnt it's that you should NEVER be ashamed of what you've been through, good or bad. So I guess it doesn't hurt to let it out once in a while.

I have lived in Nigeria all my life and I am still here in my last year of secondary school (British education system, I think it's the equivalent of high school anyways), and one would think that living in such a country would make you immune to certain types of bullying. But it's wrong, teens here are exposed to virtually everything the social world has to offer (well if you're on the sunny side of the economy).

Growing up, every elder woman I'm related to always said, 'If a boy is mean to you it's usually cause he likes you.' Well that's bullshit in my opinion. Sometimes when they're mean they actually really hate you or just want to pick on you.

I had always been ashamed to admit that I had been bullied. When I finally got to my third year at secondary school, it hit me hard. I had transferred to another school that was quite, let's say, flamboyant. When I first got there I wanted to fit in badly, so in the process I lost myself, and I lost my purpose.

A lot of the boys in my year group would call me a turtle, and I didn't get why, but later I learned it was cause I wasn't so pretty in their opinion.

I remember the first time I actually liked a guy. I had moved from an all-girls school so I was somewhat new to it. I had told my 'friends' who decided to 'help' me, and that was when my problems started for real. They ended up telling him, and so I walked into school with my natural hair (I wasn't allowed to use extensions like the other girls then), not expecting the boy I liked to face me in front of everyone and say, 'Well I could choose someone else, but Seun, I mean, she looks like a turtle'. I was hurt, then before I knew it everyone had heard and it and became boys versus me.

Then we had a school disco, and I was convinced to grind with two guys because 'it was the job of the new girl' as my friend told me. I don't know why I did it up till now to be honest, but guess what? It doesn't hurt to say that I might actually have liked it. Needless to say I regretted it cause the next day the story had become "Seun grinded every guy! It's cause she came from an all-girls school," and I was called a hoe so many times. I didn't know how to handle it, cause no one wanted to hear my side of it all, so I started crying.

Crying became a natural habit for me, it was probably my weakness, and it's terrible to let your bullies see the effect they have on you because it only empowers them.

So I was called a slut for quite a while. I was even accused of kissing a guy that was dating my friend and it blew up on twitter. Needless to say I deleted that account.

I decided to tell my form tutor one day, and he called the boys and I for our statements. When he left the class, the one I had liked looked at me and said, "You can't say we bullied you, I mean you're not in primary school, we were playing." So I decided to drop it so I wouldn't be hated.

Big mistake.

Seniors even stated that I 'looked like a hoe'.

 Bullying is a cycle. If you let it go once, it will come back since you are easy prey.

So my next year at school, I thought it was going to end. I changed my friends, I even became one of the smartest girls, yet my cycle came to haunt me. Soon I heard I had given a junior a blowjob. Mind you I was overprotected, I wasn't allowed to go out much or anything so how and where would I have done this?

At first I ignored it, but then I got another bully. He would sit behind me in class and whisper in my ear, "slut slut slut" and laugh. History was my favourite subject but it became my worst period cause he was in my class.

One day it got so bad because others had joined, so I went home in tears. My mum found me and needless to say, she went ballistic.

I took my anger out on her and told her I was an adult and adults do not get bullied. Eventually she made me write a statement that I handed over to my principal. I had a good principal. He handled it well and dealt with the boys.

I was happy, it was over, or thought it was.

However, later on, they started making me feel guilty. Word went around that I was a snitch and I made it up. I considered going back to apologize to them just to be free and be liked.

I told my mum about it and she gave me the best advice that I will never forget. She said, "Don't expect to blend in with them because you can't, you won't fit in cause you're different and special and that's greater than fitting in."

So I dealt with it.

Another major problem I had and still have was with my skin. I had always had dry hands and feet, because it's something I got from my dad's side, however I didn't need to be told cause it was a fact. Very soon boys started telling me, "No one would want to hold your hand" and "you won't be able to give your husband a good hand job," and I would always put on a stern front, saying, "It's not your business," but it hurt like hell. Eventually I told my mum (something people find hard to believe is the fact that I talk a ton with my mum).

At first I was embarrassed, but guess what? I don't care anymore. In your time of crisis or anytime at all, hang on to the one person that you can depend on for life, no matter how embarrassing it may be. Anyways, back to the point, when I told her, she told me to ignore them and even went as far as getting me new skin oils and a dermatologist and guess what? It's getting better. But she's told me it'll take time but if I love my skin and myself, no one has the right to say otherwise.

The female body is highly sexualized and most of the time we can't be us because it's 'not appropriate'. If you're an African, you'll understand what I mean when I say it is hard. The other day I wore shorts out cause it was hot, and I was stopped and asked if I thought I was in America. I was angry. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I have a different wardrobe for my vacations, where I wear the short things I'm not allowed to wear freely in Nigeria. When you're a girl with huge thighs and bum, it's hard wearing some dresses. When you wear them you get a lot of glances and comments like, "your ass looks nice." The most annoying part is that the boys expect you to say thank you when they say it, like it's a compliment.

In my final year it's gone down, but some still make side comments. But guess what? I'm fine with it because I know that the only opinion that matters is mine, and I like me. People think I'm proud when they ask if I think I'm pretty and I say, 'I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, I'm amazing,' but the thing is I say it cause finally I believe it and that's something I never did cause I was too busy listening to them.

Well it's long but that's it. Never really shared it before, to be honest. I hope this is helpful!