Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @brittneyyn

When I was 12, I was naive. Everyone is. You're 12. I knew what I saw in movies about love and even sex, but I didn't think things happen like that in real life. I was at my friend's house one night and I liked her older brother. Cliche, I know. We had flirted and texted each other and eventually started "dating". She didn't exactly like it, but she didn't stop it either. So I got a text from him telling me to come in his room when she goes to bed and we can watch TV. I didn't tell her about the text, just waited patiently. She fell asleep and I walked into his room. Next thing I know, he's trying to get me to have sex with him. I was so shocked I could barely even speak, but I managed one word over and over. "No."

This apparently didn't register in his brain because something made him think I was saying yes. He was 6 feet tall at the age of 14 and an athlete. And I'm a 5'0 ball of fat. I don't think I need to explain what ended up happening. I was mortified. Every bit of my innocence was stripped away at 12. I lost so much respect for myself because at the time, I thought sweet innocent girls can't find themselves in this situation. And so he continued to abuse me and take advantage of me for another month until I was done with he misery he put me through.

I remember going on a trip with my grade for a week. I liked having the time to myself. Not having to worry about him. But what he put me through sent me on a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. When we got back from our trip, those feelings were only intensified when I found out about my new reputation. Apparently, he had more influence in his grade than I thought and me leaving really upset him. He was only a freshman, but somehow his lies had spread from middle schoolers to high school seniors. Lies that I "was begging for it" and lies that I "asked for more." He even took a picture of his sheets where the blood was and bragged about taking yet another girl's virginity.

The worst thing about it was that nobody believed me. Everybody thought I was just trying to cover up for a mistake that I had made. That I was just trying to frame an innocent guy. Because how could someone so popular do something like that? Honestly, this screwed me up. I started cutting. I hated my life. I found myself flirting with buys just for the sake of flirting. I don't know why, but something in me needed to feel wanted. Maybe it was because I felt like garbage. I never touched or had sex with anybody else, but I still feel ashamed of how I responded to all this because it didn't help what was being said. All throughout high school any time I got involved with someone, I was a "slut" because it was assumed that I was having sex with them. The guy who did it to me had moved away before I got to high school, but no one was about to forget. A guy put his hands in my shirt as I was just trying to have a casual conversation with him. Comments were yelled when I walked down the hall from people I didn't even know. I couldn't talk to a guy without him thinking that all I wanted was to have sex. Girls hated me. I was constantly bullied. I started dating this guy and for the first couple of weeks people would literally come up to him and make jokes about me being easy or a "slut" to him. I felt awful for making him go through that, but he was a good sport and still cared about me. I thought things started to die down, but my sophomore year, things picked up again.

I started dating this guy I had known for years because me and that really cool guy I mentioned had problems at the time. After about a week, I noticed some warning signs, like he would go through my phone and he just wasn't who I thought he was. He was always pressuring me to have sex and I didn't want to. Plus, I was missing my ex-boyfriend. So I broke it off. I told him I still had feelings for my ex and I didn't feel right being with someone else. Oh, this angered him. He decided to tell people that we actually did have sex. He knew the kind of reputation I had gained and wanted to hit me where it hurt the most. The bullying got so bad that I did online school at home for my second semester of sophomore year.

I'm now 18 and my life has turned around so much. That great guy that stood up for me through all those nasty comments? He never once thought I was damaged. He took his time with me. I cried the first handful of times we had an intimate moment, but I trusted him. I love him. He's been in my life for five years now and we have an amazing baby girl and baby boy. It's important that we raise our daughter to know that if she finds herself in this situation, it isn't her fault. I spent so long blaming myself, taking it out on myself, hating myself. I would never want her to feel that way. And it's important that we raise our son to understand what no means and to not take advantage of any girl, no matter what the circumstances.