Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @sherlockandowls

This happened about 6 months ago when I was a sophomore, a 10th grader. I had broken up with an old flame because he was asking for things I couldn't do and I didn't want to do those things. I was living the single life and I really liked it, but I saw other people happy with their relationships, so I longed for a relationship secretly.

One day, I was walking out with my best friend, we'll call her "A." As "A" and I were walking out, our friend "S" came walking to us. He had an expression like he was walking with a purpose. He came up to me and handed me a paper and he said, "Hey 'F' (my name), you see this guy I'm walking with? He's too pussy to give you his number so I'm here to give it to you." I started laughing and so did "A." I opened it and there it was, a number.

I was pretty happy because I thought the guy was attractive and things like this didn't really happen to someone like me. I was a nobody. I walked with "A" to my 7th period and she was saying how weird it was and I agreed. I got to my 7th period and told my friend "K" about it and she was as excited as I was, because my past relationships weren't that good. And I asked every one of my friends if I should text him and they all said yes, except for "A" because she smelled something fishy, but I didn't see it.

The next day during 4th period, I texted him. And we started talking. He started walking me from gym to my 7th period everyday. He added me on Facebook. Even though we talked everyday, he knew nothing about me. One day he asked me to stay after school for a club. I asked my parents, and they said I could stay. We got out of the club early to walk around the school. It was spring and it was an outside school in South Texas, so it was hot and gross but I was with someone and I didn't care. We walked and talked. Before we knew it, I had to go home. He asked me something but I didn't hear him.

I haven't mentioned his name. It's Evan. I don't want to abbreviate it because I hate him and I don't care if someone knows him and reads this. But anyways, the next day he asked me again while walking me to lunch. He had 1st lunch shift and I had 2nd. The question was, "Will you go out with me?" I said yes without even thinking because I was just jealous and wanted a relationship. We started holding hands and every Wednesday and Thursday I would stay after school with him.

We were walking again and all of a sudden he kissed me. It was my 1st kiss and I was nervous. When I got home I was pretty happy. He wanted to Skype at night so I said yes. And we did. It was fun. I told my friends about it and they were all happy for me, even "A." And then we Skyped every night.

One day after school, he put his hand up my shirt and I refused. I said no, I wasn't comfortable. And he stopped. But when we Skyped he asked to see my chest and I was arguing no, until he forced me into it. I didn't like it. I cried after because I knew he used me to masturbate. But I ignored it. I told no one, not even my best friend.

This went on everyday and everyday I would be forced to do what he wanted. When we would be walking after school he would put his hand up my shirt and say, "I've seen them on Skype let me see them in real life," and I went limp. And as the days went by, he would ask more.

Every morning it would be a picture of my chest. Every time we would kiss, he would put his hand in my pants or up my shirt. And I never told anyone. We were the happy couple to my friends. "A" didn't like this relationship but I never listened to her.

One day, he put my hand in his pants and I freaked out, but he grabbed my hand and made me rub him. I hated it and he could see that. But I ignored it. I ignored everything.

In 4th period he texted me, saying that I shouldn't eat McDonald's. I replied with, "I don't eat fast foods."

And he said, "Good, get skinnier. You're good but you could get skinnier."

I showed my friend "K" what he said and she helped me reply to him, saying that he should never comment on my weight again, because I was struggling for a very long time and I was good with what I had then. I'm pretty short. I'm 4'9" so being 114 pounds at that time made me look wider than I was. And I told him that. Everything went back to normal after that. That was the only thing I told my friends and when it came to "A," she was very upset.

What happened next, I didn't tell them at all. That Wednesday, he pulled his pants down and was pushing my head down to his private area. I was pushing back on his hand and when he stopped pushing my head I looked at him and said "no."

But he replied with, "This is what girlfriends do and you're my girlfriend." And pushed my head down there again and forced his way into my mouth. I bit him and he grabbed my hands and forced himself in there. I was in tears but he couldn't see my pain, he could only see his pleasure in me.

After it happened I didn't say anything to anyone. And every Wednesday and Thursday this happened and I never said a thing, afraid of what he would do to me if I did say something. And this happened for weeks.

Until something happened and he decided to break up with me. I was heartbroken but "A" told me that I shouldn't be because we barely knew anything about each other. And what he did to me triggered my depression.

The summer before 10th grade, I had attempted suicide by overdosing on pain killers. And now I had been orally raped. All I wanted to do was die. I cried a lot and I thought about suicide a lot. I was ready, too. I tied a scarf to my closet door and was ready for it. Until I got to school crying and was sent to my counselor for it.

When I got to the counselor, I told her everything. She laughed at me because he was a star basketball player and sports are more important than mental and emotional health in my school district. She called my mom and told her I needed an evaluation because of how bad it was. But she didn't tell my Mom about Evan.

I never told anyone for a long time. And right before school was over I told my friends. They weren't really affected but "A" was. She hugged me and said that it wasn't my fault. She was about to cry for me and when we talk about it today she still gets emotional. A few months passed and I was acting up again during the summer and everyone at home was angry at me.

Until my mom came to me and I told her everything. She told me that it was not my fault. She also offered to let me move back to Pakistan (that's where my family is from). And I said no. But what she did do was move me to a new school to avoid being near him. Even though people don't know, everyday I'm afraid of people figuring out and calling me out on it. Everytime I think about it I get embarrassed because I was 16 and he was 14. But he was stronger than me. But I'm getting stronger everyday. And I'm not going to let it get to me.