Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @flowergardens, Author of "Peaks"

I was never a popular girl, but I was (and still am) surrounded by a small, tight group of friends I kept close. It was always my group of friends and I, and a few other groups of kids. My group wasn't the liked group, by the boys or the popular clique. We weren't super skinny, super pretty or super appealing, but we were always liked by each other.

The boys kept calling us "ugly," "fat," "gross," and at first I was so sensitive I would cry. But now I've toughened up and I became a tough girl who could beat up a guy.

Our grade wasn't much of a tight group. The popular girls were very close to the boys.

Sixth and seventh grade were filled with experiences that changed us.

This one girl, the queen bee, had a new boy every week. Soon enough rumors began to sail. These girls began to say she sent nude pictures to another boy, a shameful message was written on the door of the bathroom stall, and she cried a lot. I always underestimated her personality, as if she was a stupid girl. But she was slut shamed, undeserving of the hurtful title.

The same boy she was linked to was a horrible sexist. I, as a semi-feminist, always questioned this.

When he wanted to get me down, he would do so by calling me a whore, a slut. I never understood why. It was a more mature word than stupid or dumb, and even if there was nothing sexual involved, it was the words they used.

A couple of times girls with a bit of exposing clothing such as cleavage, they were always called sluts.

My group of girls never felt ashamed to call other girls sluts or whores and I was never proud of it, calling girls hurtful names behind their backs. I still am ashamed, I still am.

Then the girls in our group turned their backs on a lonely girl. She told my best friend she loved her more than a friend.

When she turned to me for advice I took it as a joke, a hurtful joke. For weeks rumors had been floating, started by a girl in my group, that the poor girl was a lesbian. That she kissed, then slept with girls, or danced naked.

I didn't know what to say. Some others tried to convince the poor girl that she wasn't a lesbian: "You're not some lesbian. That's a wrong thing,"

I was so confused I turned to my mother. I wanted to know how I could help. My mother handed me advice I am grateful for.

But then everybody in the grade figured out. This girl, who was already suicidal and was already at weekly sessions with a pyschologist was getting more hate than ever, and no parental support.

As a girl who was bullied before (I was kind of a nerd) it was hard for me.

Now this girl is leaving the school. I want to call her every day and apologize for not helping.

I hate being the girl who was bullied, but even more the girl who bullied (even by calling some girl a whore.)

I am disgusted by the things people can say and do.

Gaia is fourteen and lives in Israel.