Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by Anonymous

When I was a small child, I was physically and emotionally abused. That went on for six years, until the year I was six. I tried to kill myself twice within those six years. Once when I was four, and once when I was six. Yes, both times I knew what I was doing. I thought to myself, "I'm a worthless bitch, just like he says." I never called him my stepdad. Just He. Him. He beat me, abused me, and made me hate myself. When I was seven my mom remarried the most wonderful man.

I never told anyone about being depressed. I refused to admit it. I listened to high beat techno and pop, rock and roll, anything really. I smiled all the time and forced myself to be happy. At times I was... but I never got over feeling worthless.

I was a bitch. I was a whore. There was nothing else that I could ever be. I didn't know what the words meant, but I knew they meant me and that was bad. When I was eleven, I tried to kill myself again.

No one was my friend. That was before sixth grade, and all fifth grade no one talked to me. They called me names. They thought I was a silly emotional girl. A weak baby, because I had emotions and couldn't control it when I started to cry. The girls all said that I was lame and stupid, and weak, weak, weak.

I didn't understand it though. Just because I wasn't strong, I was wrong? Just because I was girly, I somehow made other girls weak, too?

I hated myself. For years and years I thought I should just die. I nearly killed myself when I was eleven, but then I made a friend. One friend. My best friend. She saved me.

She showed me that I wasn't a wrong person for being who I was. That I could cry and still be strong in other ways. Because of her, I didn't die.

For years, I've battled this depression. I'm sixteen now and still battling it. I no longer care if people think I'm weak, or stupid. I am a girl. But I'm also me, and that means I'm amazing any way.

There are still days I want to die. There are still days I hate myself.

I got a lot of hate, from myself and others, because I'm bisexual. I kissed a girl before, and a guy. I like both sexes. But that's sexually active, making me a slut. I don't understand it, I really don't. I've never even slept with anyone! I've never kissed for over twenty seconds! I've only been kissed twice, and I didn't start it either time.

Yet I'm still called a slut. Several other girls are called sluts too. And those that are sexually active? They're called much worse. I don't understand it. What makes you so bad to experiment, to date, to kiss? Yes, sexual activity can be bad, if you're really young, because that's dangerous and your body isn't ready for it. But that doesn't make YOU a bad person.

So I hope it stops. Several friends of mine have nearly killed themselves because they've slept with a guy before. I mean, honestly!

Way back when, people started having sex at the age of fourteen, when they were married off. No one thought anything of it then. Yes, now we see marrying young children off to older people is wrong, but that doesn't mean that two people of the same age or near the same age are wrong for trying different things.

The same is on the opposite end of the spectrum. If you're asexual, people still call you slut. They'll abuse you. One of my best friends gets hate every day because she won't sleep with people.

Sex shouldn't determine who you are. Whether you are sexually active, or aren't, you're still a human, you're still a person, and no one should even think about trying to say otherwise.

No one is a slut. We're people. Sexually active, or not. Slut doesn't mean sexually active. Slut means useless. That's what we mean when we call someone a slut. It doesn't matter if you're sexually active. You're not useless. So continue being you. Live. Don't let anyone hurt you.