Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @CaseyOlsen, Author of The Silhouette Vibration

What makes you angry?

Rape. That’s what makes me angry.

A close friend of mine is a prominent figure in the feminist community and produces documentaries on sexual abuse and violence towards women. She told me that men need to be active participants in the movement, because men’s voices are heard louder and more broadly. 

She was raped and abused. She’s had an unexplainably awful amount of horrible things happen to her. Over and over, the situations occurred. And I think, when hearing the stories, about how that makes me feel as a man. As a part of the gender that induced that trauma and mayhem. Shame, mostly, is what I feel. Not for myself and not even for the awful male perpetrators of these problems–those men were psychopaths, and for them, I feel something way worse than shame. But, what I’m ashamed of is society.

Our society.

I wish I could sit every girl in the world down and explain to them a few things:

–Men don’t understand what it’s like to be a women.

–Men aren’t raised to understand what it’s like to be a women.

–Men don’t know that women have a stronger onset of emotions, easily influenced and fluctuated by their experiences (for evolutionary psychological reasons that I won’t go into right now). Women feel more. See more. Are more in-tune with the world. Pick up on behavior better. And react to it stronger. They're more easily hurt, but at the same time stronger of Will. Men don’t know the degree of severity of how what they say and do affects women’s insecurity, self-deprecation, stress, anxiety, overwhelmingness, and negative self-talk.

–Therefore, men don’t understand why women behave the way they do, and more importantly,

–Men don’t know how to react to women’s behavior in a kind, empathetic way that mitigates problems and prevents controversy from spiraling into chaos.

Men don’t know, because they’ve never been taught.

But, girls, please–help us guys learn. And maybe it’s like my friend says, men need to have a voice in support of these feminist issues, because it seems as though no matter how hard women try to explain, their cries go unanswered and their screams are replaced by beer, video games, porn and all the other things men selfishly consume (because that’s what they were taught to like).

But, also, I’d like to tell every girl in the world the single most important thing I think any man could ever say to them:

YOU MATTER MORE THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR. MORE THAN THE MEN WHO TELL YOU YOU’RE NO GOOD.

Of course, I can only say this as a guy looking in, but when I see girls who go through horrible experience after experience, that reoccurring pattern tells me that–despite all the guys they dated or interacted with who were clearly assholes, no question–but those girls don’t respect themselves enough. They don’t have the confidence or the fortitude to ignore the voice in their head telling them they deserve better.

Ladies…

YOU DESERVE A FUCK TON BETTER.

I’m not saying this as your mother patting you on the shoulder, telling you the world is a glorious meadow of daffodils filled with prancing unicorns and everything will be alright–no. 

I’m saying this as a man who loves women with all his heart and wants to date, befriend, and have experiences with more girls who have the self-esteem and self-respect to run away, fast as lightning, from drama inducing assholes.

YOU OWE NO ONE ANYTHING.

Do what is right for you and let all the crazies find each other and cause each other hell. You don’t deserve to be a part of any of it.