Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @Adrenaline_Killjoy

I was twelve when everything started to happen. In school I was always the tough girl. I always acted like I didn't care what anyone else thought of me. Then one day I was sitting down reading and a girl came up to me and said, 'Can you hit this boy for me?' And then the guy said, 'I don't want her to hit me - she'll actually hurt me.' For some reason it hurt me. I didn't understand why at first but I do now. I didn't want anyone to think of me that way. I didn't just want to be the tough girl who hit people, I wanted someone to actually see me for who I truly was.

A few weeks after that I was called a 'bitch' by an eighth grader. I was playing "Never Have I Ever" with him, a boy in my class named Nathan, my best friend named Rebecca, and another eighth grade girl named Abby. The boys name was Marcellus.

Anyway we were playing and I got him out and he said, 'I bet you cheated you dumb bitch.' Everyone laughed. Rebecca laughed, too. I didn't know how to react. I was so upset but not wanting to look weak, I laughed along with what they were saying. Marcellus I guess he was thinking that it was all some kind of joke kept on saying it to me. Every time I saw him it was always, 'Hey bitch,' or 'How's it going, bitch?' It never stopped.

It got worse after that. It seemed that his whole class caught onto it and started to act rude to me, too. Then he called me a 'ho'. Every single word hurt more and more until I almost reached a breaking point.

On my birthday I couldn't stop thinking about what he said to me. I thought that maybe there was something wrong with me. I went into the bathroom and nearly threw up everything I ate. I had almost forced myself to purge. I hated myself at that point.

I no longer loved myself or my body. I hated who I was and what I looked like. I hated that I didn't love myself. I became increasingly depressed day by day. Then the anxiety started, which made everything worse. Everyday I wondered why I was still living. I tortured myself by watching people who had made videos of themselves before they committed suicide.

Today I still don't fully love myself. I'm battling anxiety, but I'm still alive. Stay strong.