Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @neonmockingjay

Let's start at the beginning. 4th grade. A boy sat down at my table.

I learned his name was Adam. He had never been in my class before, so I loosely knew who he was from previous years.

And I fell hard for him. Really hard.

Flash forward to 6th grade, I'm still madly in love with him. September 9th, 2013: He asked me to be his girlfriend. I excitedly said yes.

October: There was a dance. Courteous guy. He asked me for permission when other girls wanted to dance with him.

December: I got annoyed. He would flirt with other girls, and would say I was unfaithful. Everyone believed him. I lost friends, fast. Really fast. My "best friend" Rebecca spread things about me.

During winter break, I discovered cutting. Self-harm. I did it.

Okay, being the stupid, angsty sixth-grader I was, I posted some pictures with really bad captions. My real best friends, friends of the family, made sure to screenshot it. They worried about me when no one else would.

January: Suicide attempt. I didn't go through with it. I lied that I was going out, and hid behind a blind corner in the road to jump in front of a car. My headphones pulled me back. My thought was "SkyDoesMinecraft will continue making videos after I die. No one will ever know about me." I went home.

March: I was sick of Adam. I had started to fall for two of my best friends - Zach and Isabel.

I was so afraid of what Adam would do to me if I dumped him. I was scared of him. I did it over video.

He told everyone he had dumped me (no!) because I was a "lying, cheating, dirty little slut". He also said "I dated her out of pity. The little whore has feelings!" and "She was a joke."

I never told him about my depression, self-harming, or anything. I thought he would think I was a freak.

I hated school. I missed chunks of it, faking I was sick. I didn't want to face them again. I didn't want to hear "Oh look, another slut!" Every time there was role call, my class would reply for me, saying "She's not here. She's sick again," and roll their eyes. Mentally sick, though.

Around that time, my parents discovered my self-harm. They sent me to a therapist.

It was horrible. Some people would even see my wrists, and say "Kill yourself, whore. Nobody likes you." I hated it. I wanted to die all the time.

April: Rebecca's birthday. She had a dance party. I stood up. I started to sing "Burn" by Ellie Goulding for her. Ellie is my favorite artist. Rebecca and I would always text each other the lyrics. I don't know why. It was our thing.

I began to sing. Two lines in, I collapsed in tears. A kid had been screaming "Adam will never take you back, give up!"

Zach began to like me back. It was sweet, but I just fell out of love with him.

Rebecca was different. One day, she'd tell everyone about my attempt at suicide and laugh and say "She's so untrustworthy!" about me. The next day I would confront her. I would begin to cry and show her my fresh scars. She would cry with me.

This summer, I was a month clean. I flushed my blades. I cried and screamed as they went down. I desperately tried to get them back. No use.

Now, I am doing better. Isabel owns the locker next to me and she's begun to receive secret admirer letters and poems, courtesy of me. I've accepted my biromantic, asexual identity, and I embrace it.

I've earned back my friends and left Rebecca behind. This is the longest I've gone clean.

I'm now a 7th grader. I have depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I also have auditory issues. But now the slut shaming has been reduced. I am not bullied. Mostly.