Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @justbrookie467

Looking around the lunch table, I see Marie laughing at something Jo had whispered to her. Marie sees me looking at her and gives me a small glance out of the corner of her eye. I feel like I did something to upset her. Marie has barely talked to me all day.

I'm sure it's nothing. She was my best friend, I don't know why she would be mad at me.

I take a small bite of my salad, and I see Marie talking to all the other girls. I had got pushed to end of the table and none of them were even looking at me anymore. I suddenly felt extremely alone, even at a table with six other girls.

"Well, I have to go talk to Mrs. Stewart about the math homework, I'll see you guys later." I lied.

They hardly noticed, some of them mumbled a goodbye, waving me off before turning back to their obviously much more important conversation. With a sigh I walked out of the cafeteria and tossed my half eaten lunch into the trash.

The next morning it seemed like everything was going back to normal. Grace and Lexi sat with me in homeroom, Courtney even talked to me at the lockers before class. Marie still seemed a little distant.

Just before second period Mr. Ward, the guidance counselor, pulled me aside, "Blaire, some of your friends told me you guys are having a few problems. They wanted to talk during lunch."

I just nodded, not really knowing what he was talking about. We weren't fighting, I didn't think we had any major problems. I didn't know if it was about someone else or they were going to direct it towards me. I feared the latter because nobody had talked to me about anything. I just pushed the bad thoughts out of my head and tried to get through my morning classes.

Fast forward to lunch and I was trying my best not to cry in front of the people who I thought were my friends. Marie and Courtney had told Mr. Ward that I had been mean to them and was causing problems in my friend group, all of which couldn't be more wrong. I had always been a bit of an outcast at school, so when Marie, our group's "leader," took me in, I did everything I could to not to mess it up.

Thinking back to last Friday, I should have seen the signs. There was a play at school and I asked my friends if they were going. They had told me no. I wanted to go, so I went with a different friend who was in my music class. When I got there, I found them all sitting down in the same row laughing.

Walking up to them, I asked why they said they weren't coming. Marie said she called me but I didn't answer and she doesn't leave voice mails. I knew that wasn't true. I had no missed calls on my phone. She never said anything to me at school or to try to call me back later, but I didn't say any of that. I just nodded and went back to sit in my seat.

Now I saw that everything was all right in front of me, but I ignored it all, and let myself get hurt again. Just like every time before.

Mr. Ward's voice broke into my thoughts. "Blaire? Would you like to say anything?"

I just shook my head no. I knew that if I tried to talk, I would start to cry and I didn't know if I would be able to stop. I wasn't even able to stand up for myself.

Marie had gotten what she wanted. She looked at me with a smirk.

"You said you had to meet with a teacher right?" He asked me, leaning forward a little as if to see if I was okay. Again I just nodded. I forgot I had to meet with my science teacher. Thank God. I didn't know if I could stay in this room another second. "Alright then, go on. Lunch will be over soon. The rest of you stay here. I still want to talk to you."

Just as I left the counselor's office, I heard them say that Jo was supposed to come too, but she was out sick today. Marie had turned all my friends against me. Now I had no one. I ran upstairs and rushed into the bathroom. Locking the door and throwing my lunch box on the ground. I slid against the wall and hit the cold tile floor. I sobbed alone in the bathroom as the song I heard on the radio this morning spun around in my head.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough

And all that you touch tumbles down?

Cause my best intentions

Keep making a mess of things,

I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?

Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?

The lyrics haunted me, they seemed to be written for me, for my life. I tried and tried but was never good enough. Just like the person in the song, I couldn't get it right and maybe I never would. I couldn't seem to make friends who wouldn't turn around and stab me in the back. I just wasn't good enough. Plain and simple. Not good enough for my friends and not good enough to make new ones.

I had problems with bullies before, it's not like this was anything new for me. I thought I had finally found my place, that I was done with the bullying. I guess not. Even though I had been hurt in the past, I was quick to trust. I became friends with people fast and didn't hold back. It always came back to bite me. I had faith that people could be good, so why not trust them?

However, once someone crossed me, there was no going back. I didn't believe that people who were once cruel to me, or other people, could change. Those people won't get a second chance from me. I only let you hurt me once, I didn't just give someone the chance to do that again.

I still had two blocks left in the day, and I still had to take the bus home. I thought about going to the nurse I telling them I felt sick. No. I can't let them see that they hurt me. That's what Marie wants. I refuse to give her the satisfaction of thinking she has any effect on me. I won't let her see me cry.

I stood up and walked to my science classroom. The teacher handed me the quiz I had to make up. I didn't concentrate the whole time. I only answered two questions. All could think about was what I would do now and if everyone could still see how puffy my eyes were from crying. I didn't want anyone to know what Marie had done to me. I may be a little broken but there was no chance I would let Marie see that.