Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @nxstalgia_

I was thrilled the day I found out I got into the all-girls high school I wanted to go to.

"A scholarship!" My Mum boasted tearfully at my Grade Six graduation, "I can't believe it!"

No one listened, because no one knew who the heck I was. Just another prop in the background called life. I loved the fact no one that went to my primary school was going to my high school. The boys in particular. Everyone was horrible. Fast paced and gossipy, all whispers and glares.

At recess every week, the boys would choose who they preferred for the regular game of Capture the Flag at recess and lunch. They would line us up along the wall near the oval, and choose three groups based on popularity, if we had boobs, and if we were 'hot' or pretty. The 'others' would be in group three, with the 'gross' and 'nerdy' boys. I was always in that group.

I was only in group two once, because the boys realised I had the biggest boobs of all the girls in the grade. (I was so self-conscious about this for many, many years.) They'd snicker at me when I ran, and shout "Sarah! Your boobs are escaping!" or some immature thing about my boobs bouncing (to be perfectly honest, I've forgotten what they said).

No one was allowed to not play, for some reason. Maybe it was just social suicide not to.

Anyway, the boys ruled, and only some girls were occasionally let into power (if they were dating one of the popular boys), but the girls had their own weird bitchy thing going on, so I steered clear of that.

In Grade Six everyone forgot about Capture the Flag and moved onto Truth or Dare. I dreaded this. It would happen every Wednesday lunchtime, as the Grade Six students had access to the gym that day. When the girls got bored of it, they left. The boys would force certain girls to stay, usually if they liked them and wanted to ask them out.

Once, they forced me to stay. I had no idea what to do, as I was never ever noticed by these boys, only for the occasional comment or jeer about my chest. I was flattered that they chose me to stay, and now as 17-year-old woman, I'm ashamed to say that.

What happened was this. The door closed behind the last girl, and there I was, sitting in a group with all these boys staring at me. "Truth or Dare?" one of the boys asked. I remember my mouth going dry, my heart pounding in my chest. They'd mock me if I said truth, they'd want to know who I liked. I didn't want them to find out I was dating one of those 'nerdy' boys, who in fact was the kindest, sweetest human on earth (I'm still best friends with him to this day).

"Dare." I said. Why? Because I was scared of these boys. I wanted to impress them. I wanted to be accepted.

They whispered for a while before one of them said: "Lift your dress up."

I coughed nervously. "Um, no."

The boys stared at me some more before standing up. They walked to where I was sitting. Two boys made me stand up, and pulled my dress up. Up to my shoulders, so they could see my gross 'My Little Pony' undies and second-hand bra. My huge thighs and pudgy belly. My cheeks got hot. I stayed perfectly still. They all stared, those eight boys. Took everything in.

It seemed like eternity before the first snicker escaped their lips. Then a chorus of laughter. "Eww!" they screamed. They were heading for the door, in fits of laughter. "Gross, gross, grossssss!!!" A couple of them spit in my face before following the others, screeching "Wait for me!" and slamming the door shut.

I stood, in the middle of the gym, all by myself, perfectly still, just the way they left me. I didn't cry. I didn't tell anyone. I asked the teacher if I could go home because I felt sick. Mum came to pick me up. I went home. I slept.

I went to school the following day. Of course they told everyone. And of course it wasn't in my favour. I had willingly done it, they said. Without questions asked, they said. I was ridiculed. I was called a slut, a whore.

How are kids so nasty so young? It always baffled me. Grade Six. Everyone was 11, 12 years old. Crazy.

My best friend, my little secret boyfriend, never left my side. I wouldn't, couldn't have done it without him. Amazing what friends can do in such tricky times. They can either stand with you, or against you.

This situation has shaped me into the person I am today. I'm not glad it happened, of course, but I wouldn't go back and change it. It has scarred me, but it has also changed me.

It is so important to raise awareness about this. To stand against the shame and the hurt that is inflicted upon us just because we are a certain gender, or look a certain way, whether it be sexually or not.

It's not okay, and I don't know when it ever was. I wish I had told my Mum before I left primary school, or a teacher even. I am ashamed I was frightened by their power. I'm ashamed I was scared into silence. I want the day to come where if this is happening, people feel safe and willing enough to tell someone. Because in the end, we are all humans, playing this game called life. May as well make it enjoyable for you and everyone else, too.