Contemplation

A Poem To Remember

Let me Start off by saying that this is adult, mature content. IF you are triggered by Depression, death, suicide, abuse, etc. this may not be the place for you. Although not all of the writing is dark, it is based off true, raw human emotion. Please be advised, otherwise enjoy and let me know what you think!

Dedicated to my dad 4/3/17

1-800-273-8255

https://www.google.com/search?q=suicide+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#

Above is the national suicide hotline, please keep in mind that there is help out there🦋

I miss you.

I miss the sound that would either help me fall asleep or keep me awake for hours.

I miss the guitar in your hand.

I used to say it " Feels like just yesterday." but it doesn't anymore.

Missing, that word is always floating around in the air even when I don't realize it.

I want to wish you back.

I want to hug you for the longest time

I want that " Stupid" Guitar lesson that I denied.

I want to buy you that breakfast that you asked me too.

I want to go to church with you.

I want to smell your "dad." Cologne.

I want to see you smile.

Hear your laughter.

I want you to talk to me endlessly about music.

I want to cook with you.

I want your wisdom.

Your repetitive two hour lectures.

I want the 5 am bible study that I would try not to fall asleep at.

I want to hear you sing.

I want to tell you how excited I am.

How my day went...

I want you to meet the boy who one day I marry.

I want you to be at my graduation, Cheering. Yelling, " That's my daughter."

I want mom to smile again because you were thoughtful.

You brought her home chocolate and roses.

I want you to tell me I can't have a drink in your nice car.

I want you to give me all the advice I will never receive.

I want you to meet my kids.

I want you to help me pick a dog and buy a cat because I remember, you always wanted

A chubby orange cat.

I want to hear you play the piano... I never got that chance.. Never will.

I want my dad....

I want all the things I can't have.

Too write you a letter that you would actually receive.

To light a fire and make smores.

To chase Autumn with the laser light.

To beg you to get off the computer to spend time with me.

I want to say I understand.

I am sorry.

I care.

Ask... Why

Why did you leave me?

Why do I have to have all this pain?

Why couldn't you stay?

You always warned me about boys who would break my heart, suddenly.

I never in a million years thought that the first person to break my heart would be you...

Dad I feel this pain, your pain... I understand... I understand.

I love you.

I forgive you......

You will always no matter the good or bad memories be in

My heart.

Hi,
It's me the author and I write from the heart.  If you're ready for a rollercoaster of emotions then buckle up.