Million Reasons (Miniminter)

85

I AM BACK BITCHES!

DISCLAIMER!!!  sensitive subjects are included in this chapter.

I got woken up at 3am the morning of the must win  PSG game, by my mum in floods of tears telling me that my dad had passed away. She told me that both her and Zara were sat beside him with The Beatles playing softly in the background. She told me that she was going to the registration office tomorrow, then we sat for a few hours just speaking about funny moments with dad, with mum retelling me the story of how they met. Which I have heard a million  times but this time of her telling me it sounded different, it made me realise how much they truly meant to each other, and how much we were going to need each other to get the next few months.

It was now 6:30am and I found myself sitting in the shower, I wrapped my arms around my knees as the mix of tears and the water ran down my face. You would of thought I would of ran out of tears by now the amount of ugly crying I've been doing. If my dad could see me now he would be laughing and telling me to not waste tears over this. But here I am with my chest hurting as if my heart had just exploded with small hiccups escaping as I tried to control my breathing.

I felt my chest become tighter with it getting harder to breath as the realisation surfaced that I was going to be playing in just a few hours, with the non stop crying and the feeling of being suffocated I don't think I would be any use.

"I know I won't be here for much longer but whenever you are playing I will be with you in spirit, I will be the loudest supporter in the stands cheering you on! I will be the most excited person there when you score, and the most proudest because of what you are going to achieve. Give 200% more in every game than anyone else"

Just the thought of not being able to ring up my dad for advice or having his hugs that manage to make any situation just disappear by his warmth, to not see his cheeky smile that manages to fill the room and his rather tragic jokes that I used to hate has all gone, just like that.

I managed to pull myself up and out the bath, I grabbed the white robe and wrapped it around my body, I walked slowly through the suite grabbing my key before exiting. As I walked down the hallway I felt like I was in slow motion, I kept my balance by keeping one hand on the wall, I could hear my unbalanced breathing as I tried to zone out all the weird looks I was getting from the small amount of people that were in the hallway. I  mean I bet it looked weird, a half dressed wet, hot mess 20 year old walking down the hall. I would too.

I got to the room and knocked on the door before collapsing on my knees in a heap, I clutched my chest as I cried. I heard the door click and a set of feet appear, I looked up to see Katie who instantly dropped down and took my head in her hands and tried to calm me down before engulfing me in a giant bear hug.

.........

It had been a few hours since my mini melt down, which involved a lot of crying, swearing and anxiety attacks all wrapped together which was all flung onto Katie.

I was now sitting on the double bed looking out the window just staring into the distance, my hearing was muffled as I zoned everyone out. I could sense Emily, Ethan and Mere in the room with me as they all tried walking around me and trying to not disturb, whatever this is. Ethan was the first person to approach me, he waved a juice infront of my face which I just shook my head, he was about to leave again but I grabbed his hand making him sit beside me, he wrapped his arm around me with me resting my head on his shoulder.