"the dominoes cascaded in a line."
terribly sorry for the varying chapters that use proper grammar and capitalization and the others that are in all lowercase LMAO
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who you are is not what you've been.
Fernando told Serena everything. He told her less about the bitterness he felt towards being replaced, and more about the fear he had of being replaced. He told her about the roller coaster of emotions he felt through each of his teammates and closest friends and family members once they found out he took PEDs.
He told her about the call he received from Manny right after he found out. The disappointment in his voice. He told her about his experience of watching the postseason from home, and the way after every game Juan would send him a selfie of them celebrating their wins. He told her about the end of season banquet he was too scared to show his face at.
He told her about the way he reacted once he was told he had to come see a sports psychologist for help. He told her about the way she made him feel after finding out she had a tough childhood in a similar way to him.
He told her about the Tatis Dynasty. He told her about the ways he felt used by other people, including his family. He told her about the way he felt bad even when he let people who didn't deserve him down... and likewise, the way he feels bad when he lets people who are deserving of him down.
He told her about all the pressure. He told her about the looks he received for the brief amount of time he was able to hang out in the Padre's dugout and clubhouse.
He told her about all the insecurities he had over the little amount of muscle he had, and the jokes he didn't find funny about being too skinny.
He told her about his views on the world. The way he felt the whole damn planet was against him.
And in return, Serena told him he was rare and irreplaceable. S told him that he as a person is not what he has done.
Serena told him Manny wanted to look out for him, and in a way he felt it was his job to, and that he felt he'd let Fernando down. Serena told him that even though he may have not known if his teammates were still out there playing for him and missing his presence every day despite his actions. Serena told him how much everyone seemed to miss his dazzling laughter at the end of season banquet.
Serena told him it was normal to not be crazy but still be seeing a sports psychologist.
Serena told him there was always a way through, no matter what.
"Fernando, I want you to hear me out on this. You don't have to agree, but at least listen." The girl said, "You were your parents first born. The wild child, and of course as for any of their other children they just wanted to see you happy. It sounds like you spent most of your life traveling with your father and on the road, and somewhere in between there you lost some connection with them and baseball became your life." Serena explained, "Parents will do anything to make their children happy, and seeing how much you enjoyed baseball, they of course wanted you to keep playing it, to keep you happy. They saw your drive to be the best. So, they wanted to help you be the best. They didn't want to overwork you. They just got caught up in the sport, just like how you are now."
Fernando looked at her with big eyes, he understood her point, but knew she had more to say considering how little she'd give him advice when they were usually here because he unknowingly wouldn't let her.
"You see, the more you see your parents as a monster and the reason for your failures or emotions, the more you think of other things that way... even yourself. Even though we may see certain things as our own faults or other peoples, that doesn't mean we don't adjust. If you have a reason to blame something, you more than likely will complain about it for a while before doing something. Prime example..." She gestured towards him. Fernando was a perfect example of this.
"How do I fix it?"
"Slow down, open your eyes a little. Be more sensitive and fragile. Gullible, even. Observe. Feel sad or angry. Feel the need for change." Serena smiled softly. For the first time she felt she was fully getting through to him.
"Okay," he nodded. Something in his voice didn't sound like he was just agreeing to do it. He sounded like he was going to do it. "Well, I'm not gonna keep you here with me all day. But I really, truly appreciate you, Serena. I'm sorry about everything. But thank you for this— and everything." he stuttered, getting up from the familiar couch he usually sat on.
"No problem. I'll see you back here on Thursday, alright?"
Fernando nodded.
"And make sure to tell me how everything goes. Write it down!" she reminded him, getting up behind him as he opened the door and stepped out. "Hey, wait." she called quietly. Fernando turned his head towards her, "You should call your parents. Let that be the first step in rebuilding the relationship. If you want to, of course."
The boy smiled widely, once again nodding at Serena. The huge weight he felt on his chest these past few months was finally gone. He felt a little bit of weariness towards the fact of how much he just shared with Serena, but he was glad he knew he could trust her no matter what.
Fernando walked out of that office that day realizing no matter how much he refused to believe he was perfectly fine, he really wasn't. He needed to give in sometimes and listen to his emotions
And not just that, but maybe he was at the point in his life where he shouldn't be chasing everything.
Some things only come naturally, and chasing is really only another word for rushing.
