Sterek one-shots

Derek, Save Me (Part 1/3)

Before I start this everyone needs to read this.

This story has to do with an eating disorder.

If it is triggering to ANYONE please DO NOT read it.

I don't want anyone to be triggered by my story, so please, please. If you are struggling with an eating disorder and know you will be triggered, just skip this one-shot. Please.

that's all.

Stiles POV

The air smells like fast food. It makes me want to throw up.

I'm hungry. I need to eat.
I hate eating.
I need to eat.
I hate eating.
I need to eat.
I love not-eating.

The red traffic light fades and a green circle emerges. I move my foot slowly pressing on the gas pedal. I'm on my way to Derek's. Pack meeting. That means food. I don't want food.

"So I think we need to do something about this." Scott said the words dripping out with the pepperoni pizza crumbs. "You want any Stiles?" Derek asked.

I could probably eat the whole box.

"No my stomachs upset." I lied.

He opened his mouth again to say something but closed it sighing.

Scott and Isaac were talking about college. When my mom was alive she would feed me her dreams of Harvard, Yale, Princeton. Now look at me, she would be disappointed. She would hate me.

I have a set list of rules.

1.)no more than 800 calories a day.(I'd prefer no more than 500 but people get suspicious)
2.)don't eat until dinner. If they make me eat with them, eat enough to trick them. Then restrict the next day to make up for it.
3.)exercise
4.)Don't tell anyone.

Its a simple list. Its effective. And so far, it's worked.

The conversation around me was drowned into a giant ball of background noise. I was looking around Derek's kitchen.

"Why don't you have an orange or toast or something?" Derek said making me jump a little as he touched my back.

Because I can't let myself want them. Because I don't need an orange (75) or toast (87) because I don't want to choke on the numbers that will haunt me all damn night if I eat them.

"No it's okay. Thanks though" I said. Nobody else seemed to notice our short conversation. Derek nodded dropping his hand. "Okay"

I watched him pull out a carton of orange juice and grab a cup. I watched as he poured it. He set it in front of me. I looked at him. "Drink it." He said. I didn't answer. "Please." He sounded calm. Almost concerned. It was weird. Different.

My brain wants this
My blood wants this
My throat wants this

My mouth doesn't want this
I don't want this.

I look up at him. "Okay." I say taking a sip. He smiled.

The pack walked into the living room. I guess it's movie time. Derek followed.

I got up dumping the full glass into the sink, rinsing the cup, and walking into the living room.

The girl in the movie has an eating disorder. She's bulimic. I've never been able to purge. I've tried and tried and tried. But I can't. I can't and I won't so I restrict and I restrict and I'll restrict until I'm perfect. Until I'm happy.

"Hey Stiles, remember when you were like that girl?" Scott asked. I looked at him "what?" I asked. "I'm not stupid Stiles." He said. "Well then I must be because I have no clue what you're talking about." I said. "You lost like 40 pounds in less than a month last year." He said "that's not true and you my friend, are fucking psycho." I got up walking off.

I went up to Derek's room. He let me go in there. Just me. If one of his betas came in without permission he'd get pissed. But I'm just fragile little useless Stiles.

I walked into his bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked skinny. Stick legs, arms. But then it faded. Then I was huge. I had fat rolling from every inch of my body and I couldn't get the image to disappear. I don't even know what I look like anymore. I don't know. I can't remember.

Derek knocked on the door. "Stiles?"

Stiles isn't here right now, please leave a message after the beep.

"Stiles" he called again.

I crawled into his bed. Once again I heard him "Stiles come on I know you're awake."

Go away. Stiles needs to sleep for a hundred years and slowly fade into the background of reality.

He opened the door walking in. "Don't ignore me Stiles." He said walking over to me. "I just want to sleep. Go away" I said. "I don't know if what Scott said was true, but he shouldn't of brought it up." He sat next to me. "Its not true." I said.

Rule number four.

Don't. Tell. Anyone.

"Okay" he said.