Sterek one-shots

I'm (not) Kidding

This story is kind of descriptive in telling thoughts in death. Please don't read if you will find it triggering. It's also kind of a 5+1 set up. Italics are Stiles' thoughts.

It would be easy. Just turn the wheel a little too far to the right and crash. Press on the gas a little too hard. Wouldn't even have enough time to think about it before it's done. And then, nothing. It'd all stop. The nightmares, the monsters, the self-hatred. All of it. Gone.

I could see Mom again.

Dad wouldn't miss me. He's got Scott and Melissa. He's got a family. I'm just stuck with my demons. Alone. It'd take 5 seconds to end it all. So fast, so easy.

You just have to pull the wheel, Stiles.

"Earth to Stiles!?" Scott's voice rang through the speaker on his phone. He almost jumped from the noise.

"Yeah, I'm here." He said, glancing at his phone in his lap.

"You okay?" Scott asked, "you like zoned out or something?"

"Just imagining what it'd be like to crash my car."

"Dude, you're fucked up." Scott laughed.

"You know I'm kidding." He forced a laugh, "I'm just tired. I wanna get a nap in before the meeting tonight."

"Okay, get home safe. See ya later!"

"Bye."

I could easily just take the whole bottle. I don't think I'd even overdose. Not on sleeping pills. But it'd be something, something less than the constant pain I feel. I could block out all of the thoughts even just temporarily. It'd be so easy. Easily accessible, easy to take, easy to forget.

"Mieczyslaw."

I shot my head over to see my dad standing in the doorway, staring.

"Are you okay, kid?"

I nodded, "just wondering what would happen if you take too many sleeping pills."

Dad sighed, "that's not funny."

"I'm kidding." I rolled my eyes, setting the bottle back in the medicine cabinet. "I didn't know if I wanted to take them to Derek's tonight. Haven't been sleeping."

"Maybe being around the pack will help."

"Yeah, maybe."

Derek got a new place. It's nice, kinda small but big enough for Pack nights to work nicely. It's way up on the top of a building with a bunch of other apartments. The stupid part is, his windows open. His windows that cover the wall. Floor to ceiling. One mistake and...splat. It'd be an accident. I could stand close to the edge and someone calls my name. Scares me a bit. And oops. Gone. It's said you tend to die before you hit the ground. Your heart gives out. I wonder if you feel it. Your heart stopping. If it hurts. Maybe mine won't. Instead I'll make it all the way to the ground and feel my bones shatter into a million pieces and my organs become mush. And then what. It's just over. All the pain just gone. It'd be nice to feel free in those few seconds before. Like you're flying to a new home. Where you're supposed to be.

"Stiles!" Isaac called, coming next to me. "What're you doing?"

"These windows are a safety hazard."

"Maybe but they're pretty."

"I could just slip right out."

"Dude."

"Kidding." I smirked, "really though, we shouldn't open these."

The packs favorite thing about Derek's apartment was that there was a pool. A community pool. One for everyone in the building. But still a pool.

I wonder what drowning is like. I like to think it's like being trapped in another world. One you can't escape. Bubbles floating all over as you begin to freak out and flail violently. Your lungs start burning and you begin to sink. The panic fades and everything becomes numb. Your heartbeat slows down. Your mind goes blank and your body begins to give up its fight for air.

I picture it feeling like a heavy blanket wrapping around you as death peers patiently around the corner.

I was pulled out from under the water. "What are you doing." Derek snapped.

"Drowning."

"Stiles." He growls.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm kidding. I wanted to see how long I could hold my breath. You ruined it by the way."

"No one is counting."

"I was."

Derek asked me for a knife so he could cut the vegetables up. I poked the tip of the knife into my finger. A little dot of blood showing immediately. They could slice through skin so easily. It would be too late before I even knew what I was doing. Just one quick swipe. Maybe hit my carotid artery. Bleed out. Werewolves are used to blood. The smell won't bother them. At this point the death itself probably won't either.

"Hey, you're bleeding." Derek said taking the knife from me gently, "let's get a bandaid."

"Werewolves don't need bandaids."

"We bleed too, moron." He said dragging me to the bathroom. "What were you doing anyways."

"Testing to see how fast it'd kill me." Derek just stared at me, "kidding."

"You need to be more careful." He sighed.

"Sorry." I said dropping my head. He used his hand to lift my chin and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked.

"I love you too, Bear."

My last meal. Ice cream. There's a shop across the street. I could get my ice cream and then 'forget' to look before crossing. It's a busy street. Just step off the curb and smack. It might not kill me though. Very inefficient. I could end up just hurt with no way to do anything about it. I could-

"Babe!" I heard as I was pulled into Derek. "What the hell are you doing."

Reality came rushing into view as the pack was staring at me, I really wasn't paying attention this time. The curb came faster than ever. This time it was almost real.

"Testing your reflexes?" I tried.

"Stiles."

"Der, I'm kidding. I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"You're not kidding." He sighed, quietly.

"This time I was."

Derek motioned for the pack to head back over to his place, leaving us alone. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"The window, the knife, the pool? Stiles it's not something to try and make jokes out of."

"I know." I bit my lip.

"I know you're not really kidding either."

"I'm sorry." I refuse to look up at him.

He wiped my cheek with his thumb, "I can't lose you too. And whatever you're dealing with I am too so let me help. Please."

I finally broke feeling him pull me into him. "Everything just hurts all the time."

"Let me fix it." Derek said rubbing my back. "Let me try."

"Okay." I moved again to look at him. "No more jokes. I'll come to you."

"Promise?" He looked almost like a kid as he waiting for me to answer.

"I promise, Derek."

Our lips pressed together, soft and slow. Derek makes the pain stop. He's what I need.