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Jooheon is not a vain person. He says there is a difference between living s healthy life, and then being vain. Yes, there was days where he was too lazy to go to the gym, or would eat another sleeve of Oreos. But he would also cut his body to complete sharpness. Sure, he could walk around shirtless, and be admired. Why would he want that though? Not when at home he has his husband, Changkyun. "I don't like your cut body. It makes me laying on your chest uncomfortable. It feels like a rock." He whined. "A brick to lay my head down. No one could like that Jooheon."
That comment changed him. He slowly changed. He first lowered his gym time to once a week, and ate the sudden craving of pretzels. Sometimes with peanut butter.
"Have you seen this? I am getting round." Jooheon mentioned. I.M. goes behind Jooheon "What did you expect to happen? You have been wading everything you have wanted. This was to be expected Honey." I.M. brings his arms around Jooheon's waist to his belly "Strange. Your belly is not giggly. It's firm." He frowns. "Is that so strange?" Jooheon questioned. "It is. I am going to make you an appointment. Nothing to worry about. I want to make sure you are healthy, that's all." I.M. reassured. Jooheon pokes his belly, startled as he feels his firm his belly really is.
"You are 16 weeks pregnant Jooheon." "What?" "What!" "Come again? I must have misheard you. I am pregnant?" Jooheon stuttered. "Yes you are." The doctor nodded "This is your baby." She pointed on the screen. "Changkyun! What are we suppose to do now?" Jooheon worries. "Raise this child." "Sorry. Oh look at that..babies. You two are expecting two babies!" "Please tell me this is a dream? Tell me that a weight fell on my head while I was working out, and I am having a nightmare. Lie if you have to!"
28 week, and now entering the final trimester. Nothing about his body was himself anymore; pink stretch marks have began to form on his lower belly, and he is making them worse when he itches them. He does know that! His face has broken out in acne since his larger consumption of sugar. Looking at himself shirtless makes Jooheon only feel worse. He no longer can tell where his babies are, and where the fat begins and ends. He now gets winded from walking to the toilet from the living room. He holds the wall and pants now, sometimes staying there until his breathing returned to normal.
And his biggest fear, Changkyun does not kiss him like he use to. I.M. only touches Jooheon's belly nowadays; Jooheon misses when his husband would pinch his butt, or give it a light slap.
So, no, his pregnancy is going awesome.
I.M. encouraged Jooheon to write his feelings in what he calls a pregnancy diary. It was nothing fancy, a black journal with the first ultrasound glued to the inside cover.
He smiles as he watches Jooheon scribble in his journal, always curious of what he is feeling. "You know you can talk to me about how you are feeling too." I.M. reminded "I want to know all your thoughts and emotions and feelings." "I know." He shrugs "They are my silly thoughts. You would laugh at what I am writing anyways." "No, I would not laugh at what you are writing Jooheon." I.M. states "Should I be worried?" He adds. Jooheon shook his head "Of course you shouldn't be worried. My life, according to this journal is boring."
'28 weeks as of today. One should be excited. I am not. I feel like I am a foreigner in my own body. Everything I do is for the babies. No longer for me; I cannot see past my bump, or see my toes. I need to rely more than ever on Changkyun. He greets me every morning with a kiss, by now I think it has become his habit..and he is use to doing it rather than actually liking to kiss me. My face has swollen where I resemble a red balloon with squinting eyes. Everything else is swollen. My belly I no longer can tell where the babies start and where my fat ends. Not even wearing black slims me anymore. I often wonder if I.M. regrets this pregnancy. I know I will have to work harder than ever to get my desired body back. I want to be perfect for him again.'
Changkyun bit his lip "Oh Jooheon." He whispered.
"There you are handsome." I.M. says "I was looking for you. What says you about we go walk in the park? We could exercise." "Now you are saying I'm fat?" Jooheon snapped. "No, I get it. I am too fat for you. These babies are using all of my beauty." Jooheon interpreted. "No! What? Why would you say that about yourself?" "Because it is the truth!" Jooheon shouts "These babies have changed everything about me! Look at me." Jooheon rolled to his other side "How can you still love me?"
I.M. lays in bed next to his husband "I read your journal." He confesses. "Why would you do that! Those are my private thoughts." Jooheon questioned. "You lied to me. You said there was nothing for me to worry about. All while you were keeping your feelings hidden. From me. Honey, 28 weeks being pregnant is not easy for anyone. Yes, your body is changing..into something beautiful. Our babies are gifts, our treasures. You are doing this for them. That does include growing this belly of yours, and having cravings at three in the morning for spicy stir fry. As for not recognizing yourself, Jooheon, I am here to tell you who you are. You are first off, my sexy husband. And you always will be. Now. You are a father. Fatherhood is already changing you Jooheon. I notice how soft features change when we talk about the babies, or when anyone mentions the babies. I have a video on my phone of you giggling as the twins kick. Your eyes look like anime, bright, yet tearful. Or how you do enjoy the attention others give you, do not try to deny that. I know you Jooheon." Jooheon looks up at his husband. "You are also worried how I only touch your belly. That is very true I do, but I do it so my babies know the love I have for them, and for their other daddy. Or when I want to say hello. I am protective over you Jooheon. My family, let me change that. You are still Lee Jooheon. And I am still Changkyun. I still love you, and you still love me too. Our love has grown to love for our babies. Please stop looking at yourself like you will never be desirable to me. When we are old and fat and chasing our grandchildren, I will always proudly point at you and say 'I am married to that man named Lee Jooheon.'" Jooheon snuggled himself against I.M. "How do you know me still I.M.?" "It is because I knew all of this about you already Jooheon. I am just now learning new things about you. And I am excited to learn more."
