Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 28.

*WARNING FOR TRIGGERING CONTENT*

"Harry?"

Louis whispered carefully. I put the phone away and turn around to face him. The adorable thing is laying on his side with his hand under his cheek, with the blanket all rumpled up beneath him. He scooted closer to me even though there was already barely any space between us in the bed. It is late at night and after our little "make-out session" Louis felt like resting for a bit. But here he is, seeming to have a lot on his mind.

"I'd like to get out of here" He says in hushed tones. I furrow my brows, unsure of what he's referring to.

"Like, out of the bedroom...?" I question, completely confused. Louis sighs and sits up on the bed, resting his chin on his knees, staring off into the distance.

"No, like... Out of this town. Just for a couple of days or so." He explains. I immediately feel extremely useless. Does he want to get rid of me that bad? That he wants to leave me here in New York, in his apartment, all on my own? "I just need a break from everything. D'you know what I mean?"

He says turning to me. I nod in agreement. I understand him perfectly, but I don't like the idea of being in an empty apartment.

"So what are you thinking?"

"I don't know. A simple cruise would be kind of perfect, wouldn't it?" I shrug. "Come on then! You obviously have a say in it too!"

"Why? I'm staying here, aren't I?"

"What? No!" He surprises me by saying. "Did you seriously think that I would leave you here? No way, you're coming with me."

It is the morning after. Louis and I booked a cruise for the two of us. Apparently we're going to share a room with only one bed. I mean, we do sleep in the same bed anyway but I just think that it will be different there. What if something unforgettable happens on that cruise? I can't wait.

"I'm off to work. Get packing while I'm gone!"

Louis says and smiles at me. I can tell that he's looking forward to this cruise as much as I am. I hear the front door close and just like that, I'm left alone in the apartment. It really is too bad that I don't have work today, considering it would be nice to have some company.

I try my best to keep myself distracted and occupied. It feels like all I do these days. Try to keep my self distracted from my biggest enemy. My mind.

I switch through the channels on the television and I come across a talk-show where they talk to victims of abuse and sexual assault. I know in my heart that I shouldn't see these kind of things, but I just can't help it. It just somehow helps to know that others have experienced the same things as me. But at the same time, all of this just reminds me of my childhood and early teenage years.

As the time passes I grow more and more impatient. My thoughts are literally killing me. Memories flash and negative thoughts are heard inside my head. I pull my own hair, trying to make it stop. I squeeze my eyes closed and but I can still see the disturbing images. I bite my lip to keep from crying, but nothing helps. It's like i'm in a nightmare. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to shut it off. Before I know it my cheeks are wet as the tears keep running down. All I want to do is scream. Scream as loud as I can. But I can't get anything out. It's like this invincible monster inside of me that has taken over all of my senses. I can't move. I can't scream. I can't hear. It is a nightmare. I'm a victim of myself. I can't physically lift myself to get out of here and call someone. My mind wont let me.

Cut.

This voice in my head whispers. I try to ignore it, but it keeps repeating itself.

"No!" I cry. Even though this voice is only in my mind, I still answer it out loud. It doesn't stop. No matter how hard I cry or how loud I shout, it won't stop until it gets what it wants. Before I know it this voice takes over and controls my every move. I stand up and walk over to the sink. I see my reflection in the mirror and it is definitely someone else staring back at me. My curls are messed up from all the hair pulling, my eyes are bloodshot from all the crying, skin completely pale. This person I see in the mirror everyday can be my only friend, yet my worst enemy. No one has ever been a bigger threat to me, than myself.

Suddenly i'm in a trance. I am no longer crying. Damn this part fucks me up so bad. After crying my eyes off and begging for mercy I end up in this fucked up situation where i'm no longer crying, i'm no longer feeling and i'm no longer me. I'm someone else. And this person is numb to pain. This person is emotionless and pretty much a ghost. This is where I loose myself. And I never find my way back until it's too late. My hand suddenly reaches for the razor and after that everything goes black.

I suddenly fade back into reality. Everything is blurry and I can hear a familiar voice call my name. When my sight clears up I see it. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, with blood running down my arm. No... Please.. Before I know it I start crying like a baby.

"Harry are you in there?" I hear Louis soft voice call from outside the bathroom door. He's knocking on the door as a way to not intrude. But I can't answer him. All i'm able to do is cry.

"I'm coming in."

He informs. And before I know it Louis opens the door. The startled reaction of his is indescribable. He is still wearing his coat and shoes. His chin drops to the floor and eyes widen. He looks at the pool of blood covering his bathroom floor. He turns to me and I can almost see what he's seeing. This helpless little guy that is crying in his own blood flowing from his wrist. Louis drops his bag on the floor and gets down on his knees in front of me.

''I'm so sorry... I didn't want to do it... I swear...." I sob.

"Don't apologize... Here... Let me see" He says and gently lifts my arm. My entire body has grown numb. I have no strength and I barely feel his touch. I glance down to see what he's seeing. I cry even more when I realize how deep it is.

"Why, Harry? Why did you do this? Why would you want to ruin your beautiful body?..." Louis says. His words warms my heart. He looks so gutted. Suddenly I can't help it. The words leave my mouth before I get the chance to think about it twice.

"Louis, I'm in love with you."

He suddenly looks at me in a way I don't think he has before. He then sighs and shakes his head in disagreement.

"No Harry... You can't... You can't fall for me..."

"Already did"

His eyes turn glossy and I notice a tear running down his cheek. He sobs lightly and puts his hands on my cheeks. He cups my face gently and looks deep into my eyes. My heart beats faster and faster and before I know it he kisses me. As soon as I feel his soft sweet lips press against mine, I close my eyes and enjoy every second of it. I slowly regain my ability to move and reach my hands up and run my fingers through his hair. His hair is softer than I thought and I almost feel like crying again because this is so unbelievable.

"So did I"