Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 33.

This.

This is probably the best way to spend our last day at the ship. We are on the highest deck, lying under the sun with the wind in our hair and a really nice picnic. The view from our cabin sure is nice, but it is nothing compared to this. No matter where we look now, we are surrounded by clear blue water. It might be a bit chilly but lucky enough we're cuddled up each blankets. This may be the best cruise I've ever been in. I just love being able to spend this much time being by Louis' side. I mean, back home we both have our own little lives. It doesn't really matter that we're roommates because at the end of the day we both work, so it's hard to make time to really hang out.

I adore Louis so much it hurts. Like seriously physically hurts. Sometimes when he stands next to me, my chest is literally in pain. I just crave his affection so much that my heart aches for him all the time. For example, right now. He's sitting barely one feet away from me. All huddled up in his blanket, staring out at the ocean as the wind blows through his soft brown hair. He's so close to me, but I still somehow feel that he's so far away. As if there is some invincible barrier between us that's holding me back from throwing myself at him. So I just stare. I see him in profile. His beautiful endearing profile. He crinkles his eyes to avoid the sunshine, and I have never found him more breathtaking.

"I had almost forgotten what this feels like" He breaths into the wind, leaning his head back. I scoot closer to him and bring the basket of breadsticks closer to us.

"What what feels like?" I question, completely unaware of the current topic. Louis finally turns to me with his squinted blue eyes. Some sort of glow of pure happiness softens his face as our eyes meet. He reaches his hand towards mine and squeezes it gently. Every touch of his puts my entire body at ease, but in excitement at the same time. It's kind of hard to explain. All I know is that my heart pounds faster and I feel like flying, but at the same time I kind of feel so relaxed. I know, It sounds silly, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't need to make sense. The important thing is that it feels good.

"This. Feeling completely free and ... and..."

"Happy."

I take the word right out of his mouth. He nods at me. I know exactly what he means. It's been such a long time since I've gotten a chance to forget all my worries and just focus on what matters.

I glare down at me and Louis' intertwined hands. This feels so perfect. This feels so fucking right. This is how it's supposed to me. All the things that have happened to me through the years make sense now, because it lead me to this. What if dad never left us? Mom and I would probably still be in England now, and then I would've never met this amazing guy. So sometimes good things come out of bad situations.

I confessed my love for him last night. He didn't say it back, but looking back now... Do I regret it? The answer is no. Never in a million years. Because I wasn't only telling him, I was telling myself. I never knew I loved him until I finally said it out loud. And you know what's best about it? That if I happen to die tomorrow, at least he will know.

"Harry... Can I ask you something?" Louis says at last with a fragile shaky voice. He's not even looking at me right now, he's just tugging on the fabric of his blanket like a child. "How do you.." He clears his throat. "How do you feel about... death?"

The question takes me by surprise. I turn quiet for a moment and then just decide to be completely honest.

"Well uhm... I don't really know... I kind of used to see it like a way out... A gateway. But to be honest I don't really want to die anymore... So I guess I kind of fear it now?" I'm not even sure what I'm saying but he seems to understand somehow even though I'm not making any sense. "What about you?"

"I'm completely terrified... There's so much I still want to do... Places I want to see... Things I want to say..."

"What kind of things?"

"I've actually written down a little bit..." He says and hands me a piece of paper. As he goes ahead and lights a cigarette I read what's written on the paper out loud.

1. Go to Paris.

2. Go to a The Script concert.

3. Fall in love.

4. Save a life.

5. Get married

I grab the pen from the basket and draw a line on the fourth one. "Save a life...? Already done." I say. Louis' eyes tear up. He carefully takes the pen out of my hand and draws a line on another one. I squint with my eyes to see which one and it was number three. Fall in love. I look up at him and he gives me a heartfelt smile. My stomach flutters and he stars rubbing my cheek gently with his thumb. He then leans in and kisses me softly.

"Excuse me! You're not supposed to be up here! It's for staff only!" A guard says when he gets up to the top of the deck where Louis and I are seated. My cheeks flush and I can't get any words out. Louis on the other hand takes another drag of his cigarette and stands up.

"Sorry mate! We just liked the view. No harm, no fowl." He defends with his hands in the air and the stupid cigarette in between his lips. Louis has a habit of making every situation even more awkward than they already are.

"How did you get up here anyways?" The guard asks, rather impressed. Louis laughs and points at the ladder.

"It's not rocket science, sir." He answers back cheekily, and it just causes the guard to chuckle. How is Louis able to get along with every single person on earth? I mean, he somehow gets everyone to like him without even trying too hard. Lucky bastard.

¨

"Dinner AND wine. You've really outdone yourself this time, Lou"

I say as the waiter pours their finest wine in each of our glasses. We are in the fanciest restaurant in the entire ship. We're both wearing our formal wear. I'm just dressed in my good old white shimmy, buttoned all the way up along with a black bow and black trousers to go with it. Louis on the other hand has a casual white tee BUT with a fancy new blazer on top of it and jeans to go with it. His hair is pushed back which draws more attention to his beautiful face and gorgeous blue eyes. They are always covered by his bangs but now they are all I see.

"I want our day to be special" He answers and places his warm hand on mine. "Besides. All I had to do was pay. But if you want to give me all the credit for the dinner then go ahead. I won't mind"

I cover my mouth as I giggle. He's so amazing. How did I end up with this guy? I don't even deserve him. I'm not worthy. Then a reminder that we will go back home ruins my entire mood.

"What's wrong?" Louis asks immediately. He notices when something's wrong right away and I adore him for it. Not many have been able to do that. Not even my loving mother.

"Nothing I just... I don't want to go back home..." I sigh.

"Why not?" He asks. I don't even want to spell it out for him so I just lower my gaze. He then smiles and pushes my curls away from my face. "Nothing's going to change when we get home, okay? That's a promise."

Usually I don't believe people when they promise me things, but I trust Louis. I love him so much.