Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 91.

Have you ever experienced insomnia? Well I sure thought I had... until now.

The constant guilt about the entire Anthony 'thing' is driving me insane. I can't eat. I can't relax and worst of all, I can't sleep. It takes me ages to fall asleep, so no matter how early Louis and I go to bed I always end up laying wide awake for hours. When I finally fall asleep it doesn't last for long at all. I wake up every other hour from either a frustrating dream or unexplained reasons. And when I wake up, there's no turning back. As soon as my eyes are open my mind starts wandering. There's just so many things that bother me. The kiss, the fact that I'm too scared to tell Louis, my worries about Louis' health, and many other things. I overthink everything and it's driving me mental.

I just lay there. Contemplating about life with my eyes staring up at the roof. Louis has noticed my lack off sleep simply by how cranky and tired I am everyday. It has gone to far at this point. I have to tell him before this goes any further.

"Lou? Can I talk to you about something?" I say and feel the heat building up within me. Louis raises his gaze as he takes a sip from his teacup. He puts the cup down on the coffee-table and turns the volume on the television.

"Sure, what's up?" He says turns all his attention to me. God, he looks so good sitting there. Wearing my white t-shirt and black underwear. His hair is soft and all over the place yet he looks breathtaking. Simple, but effective. Just as I open my mouth to start a unplanned sentence Louis' phone vibrates. He glances over at the screen and swears under his breath. "I'm sorry but I have to take this. It's important. I'll be right back though! Just one second"

He defends and walks into his bedroom to answer the call. I feel a relief of stress as I exhale deeply. Oh god. I was going to tell him but I had no idea what the hell I was going to say or how I was going to say it. In second thought, maybe telling him right now is not the best idea? I mean, we're alone and we're at home. If he wants to flip the fuck out or have some sort of mental breakdown he surely will. So I'd rather be at a more public place where he will have to try and keep his calm, and hopefully not scream at me as much? I don't know. I'm just doing what I always do. I'm just trying to find a reason to postpone this.

"Sorry about that. So tell me?" Louis suddenly says and sits back down next to me on the couch. I panic. I have to say something! I told him I wanted to talk to him about something so I have to come up with something! I then decide on the worst decision ever, to follow my instincts.

"Well... I have this uhm... friend! He kissed someone even though he was in a relationship and now he's torn about it and doesn't know what to do... So... I didn't know what to tell him. Do you have any idea?" I say and notice Louis frowning at me, confused.

"Who's your friend?" He asks suspiciously. I scratch my hair nervously. "Is it Niall?"

"What? No!"

"Liam?"

"No! They're not even in relationships?" I snap, definitely not having the patience for this. I need to know what he has to say about the situation and I need him to stop questioning me cause I already know that I'm a terrible liar.

"....Is it Zayn?"

"LOUIS! COULD YOU PLEASE JUST FOCUS ON THE QUESTION?"

"Okay okay! Calm the fuck down..." Louis says and raises his hands in defense. I roll my eyes and wait for him to actually say something useful. "Well your friend is an idiot first of all. Why did he kiss someone if he was in a relationship? Obviously he has some serious problems."

"He says it was an accident! It didn't mean anything!?" I feel myself getting really defensive since it's myself we're actually talking about. Louis just glares at me.

"That's bullshit. He's an idiot."

"NO HE'S NOT!"

"Yes he is! Why are you defending him so much? I understand that he's your friend, but what he did was wrong. You don't cheat on someone if you love them." Louis states and I feel the anger grow within me. To be honest I'm not even mad at him. I'm just so tired from the lack of sleep lately and hearing him say these things are making me feel even more guilty than I ever did before.

"Forget it, you wouldn't understand." I snap and Louis get's really confused. "You're not even trying to put yourself in his shoes!"

"Why would I!? The guy is a jerk!"

"You know what? Forget I asked. I'm tired and I just want to sleep so if you don't mind I'd like to sleep here." I say and Louis gets off the couch and storms off to his room.

"Fine."

"FINE!"