Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 48.

It sure takes a long time for me to get to the apartment. First it takes ages to explain to the boys why I have to go. Then it takes even more time to find a way out of that stupid club. And then what takes the longest time is the way there. I couldn't get a hold of a cab for ages. So I had to walk all the way into town until I finally found one. But then, really really late at night. I've finally arrived. As I get out of the cab I start to look at the building and question my own actions. Is this really a good idea? I ask myself. But then I remind myself that I've gone through all this trouble and that I have to get in there and scold him.

They have fixed the elevator so when I get up I take a deep breath as I stand in front of the door to the apartment. I stare and think about my little prepared speech in my head over and over again. Slowly driving myself into insanity. At last I grow the courage to open the door and walk right in. Gosh, I have been gone for ONE day and the apartment is already a mess. There are like a dosen empty bottles of different alcoholic drinks all over the place. I know Louis usually drinks, but I have never seen him drink this much alone. Its worrying me. Is he actually taking this breakup hard? He was the one who cheated, I should be the one getting drunk.

Speaking of Louis, where the fuck is he? I mean he has to be home. The club kicked him out and the front door was unlocked. I carefully walk through the living room, trying to count how many bottles there actually are. I then walk in to the bedroom. Slowly opening the door, just in case if he's sleeping. I actually shouldn't be here. I should be in the club not giving a fuck and just getting drunk and dancing with the others. But instead I'm here, making sure my ex that cheated on me is okay. What is wrong with me?

"Louis?" I whisper as I walk into the dark bedroom. It is too dark to see anything so I turn the lights on. There he is. Sitting on the edge of the bed, his bare back facing me. He's awfully quiet and he doesn't react as I step closer. The sight is not very loving, although not anything I haven't seen before. He has a cigarette between his lips and even more empty bottles in this room. I sigh. He's not supposed to smoke in the apartment, haven't I told him like a thousand times? It ruins the walls and ceilings and quite frankly I don't think he's allowed to.

"Louis." I repeat. More demanding this time. He raises an eyebrow at me and gives a small glance my way. To be honest I'm pretty scared. He's been drinking a lot and his silence is really displeasing at the moment. I take a deep breath and grow the courage to walk over to him. I begin with opening the window so that the smell of smoke won't spread into the entire apartment. Louis sighs and takes a drag. Now that I'm actually standing right in front of him is when I notice that his knuckles are completely busted. So is his face. What the hell? How did he get a black eye and bruises if the guy at the club didn't get a single hit? And he sure didn't have it before.

"What happened to you?" I ask and let my legs give in. Causing me to get down on my knees in front of him to have a closer look at his face. It is so disturbing to see these kind of bruises on such a beautiful face. I gently caress the mark on his cheek and he flinches. It's obviously still sensitive.

"I got into a fight." He says flatly, lowering his gaze as he takes another drag. I sit down on the bed right next to him. I shouldn't even care, I shouldn't even be here in the first place. This guy cheated on me, yet I feel the need to know what happened to my- Him.

"What? When? With who?"

"Does it even matter? Why are you still here anyway? I cheated on you, remember?" He says, standing up and looking at me with a look I've never seen before. He always looks on me with love and fond eyes, but now he's being completely unreasonable. But since he's drunk I'm going to let this one slide. I mean the guy can't even stand straight.

"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I say in a frustrated tone, trying to keep as sane as possible. I'm actually overflowing with different emotions right now. This guy saved my life, cheated on me and is now drunk as hell. And I still fucking love him and I hate myself for it.

"Well. After being thrown out of the pub... I might have bumped into Sandy." He says and opens yet another drink. Bumped into him? That's a sentence I've sure heard before. I'm overwhelmed with disgust as I hear that name. Louis clears his throat. "I had a bone to pick with him."

"Wait let's make things clear. So you're saying that Sandy, the guy you cheated on me with, did this to you?"

"That's the one."

Why in the world would he do that? I sigh and take a look at my arm-clock. It's so late. How the fuck am I going to get a hold of a taxi now? I'm supposed to sleep in Liam's house. Louis notices me checking the time. Gosh, I can't stop staring at him. He's just so breathtaking standing there in nothing but light blue jeans and his black Calvin Clein underwear visible beneath it. He walks over to me unstable and squats down in front of me.

"Listen." He says. "I love you, Harry. I love you dearly. But tough circumstances call for tough decisions. That doesn't mean I don't love you. Cause I do. Trust me on this." 

He says and caresses my cheek. I want to snatch away and be the strong one here but I can't. He has this spell on me. I've missed his touch. I crave him so much. I crave his affection. Everything about him. But it's so hard to enjoy this when my chest keeps aching for something that is so doomed.

"I love you. I love you I love you I love you." He coos and causes me to smile. He's such an idiot. I hate the fact that he can make me smile when I really don't want to.  I feel the lump in my throat grow and my eyes fill with tears. I sob and the crinkle-eyed smile on Louis' face quickly disappears. "Please don't cry, love. I'm here baby, I'm here."

He whispers as he cups my face, making me keep eye contact with him. My heart swells at his touch and words that I've missed so much. I look into his blue gorgeous glossy eyes. It doesn't matter what he does, every time I'm with him I feel so safe and sound.

"I love you too, Louis. So fucking much...." I sob and bury my face in my hands. Louis keeps trying to comfort me and he seems so happy to hear me say that. But at the same time it for some reason causes him to cry with me, and I don't even understand why. I quickly try to snap out of it. I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of him. I promised myself to be strong. "But I will never forgive you."