Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 17.

This morning I wake up feeling completely worthless. The boys' conversation repeats itself in my mind time after time. I didn't sleep well and I can't help but to wake up oddly early. As I walk over to the bathroom to wash up I hear Louis snoring in his bedroom. Seems like he fell asleep late last night. He seems exhausted. I hear a vibration from his phone and by the time I find it, the vibration stops. His phone was on the cabinet and the screen lights up the dark room. "3 missed calls from Doctor Nelson" the screen reads. That's odd. I don't think about it too much, since my mind is completely occupied by my own sadness. I decide to get dressed and take a walk around town.

I don't run in to anyone I know as I walk around the streets of New York City. Probably since it's so early. I get myself some coffee and continue to wander the streets. I really get some proper time to just clear my head and focus on other things. The entire time I just try my best to convince myself that Louis doesn't think i'm weird. And that the boys actually want to be my friends. And that maybe, just maybe i'm not that useless after all.

Since it's so cold out I don't decide on any further detours. I just drink up the coffee and walk back home.

When I get home I notice that the front door is unlocked. I don't really react on it. I probably forgot to lock it when I left. I walk in and take my shoes and coat off. That's when I notice broken glass all over the floor. I lean down to pick some of it up carefully, but I soon notice that it's too much to pick up with hand. I will definitely need a vacuum  to clean this up. So I decide to ignore it for now and find out what the hell happened.

"Louis?"

I call out in confusion. There's no answer, but I can hear a soft sob from the bedroom. As I pass the living room I begin to smell cigarettes. I carefully open Louis' bedroom door and see him smoking a cigarette on his bed.

"Louis you're not supposed to smoke in here! You know that!" I say and hurry to the other side of the room to open the window.

"We've smoked inside before..." He mutters.

"Well that was different"

I state. And that's when I notice how wrecked he looks. The anger of his irresponsible behaviour quickly disappears off of me. I turn speechless as I scan the beautiful boy. His posture is terrible. He's sitting hunched over, fiddling with his cigarette, wearing nothing but grey sweatpants. Wow. I haven't noticed how skinny he's turning. That worries me a bit...

"Are you okay? There was glass shattered all over the floor... What happened?"

I ask in the most sincere way I can manage. Louis just shakes his head and stares down at the floor. I walk over and sit down on the bed next to him. I try to catch his gaze and when I do, I am heartbroken. Louis' eyes are completely bloodshot, cheeks wet and face puffy. Why is he crying?

"I'd rather not talk about it, Harry..."

He says in a sweet weak voice. He then turns away from me and wipes his own tears away. I try to think of the most appropriate thing to do, but I don't really know how to handle this without him lashing out on me. So I decide to just leave him to his thoughts. I know he's the kind of guy that wants to seem like he doesn't care about anything. So he most probably doesn't want me to see him this vulnerable. So I better just leave... I take a deep breath and walk over to the door.

"Wait where are you going?" Louis says as soon as I put my hand on the door handle.

"I thought i'd clean up the mess you made out there..." I say, aiming at the glass covering the floor in the hall.

"Can you maybe do that later? I could use the company..." He admits.

"Of course... Of course"

I repeat and sit down next to him again. But this time he catches me off guard as he leans in and gives me a hug. He just wraps his arms around me emotionally and covers his face in my neck. I feel the warmth of his body and his musky scent mixed with the smell of smoke. I hug him back and caress his back to comfort him. I slowly feel my eyes shut as I enjoy every second of his closeness. I take a deep breath and squeeze him a bit tighter into me. He doesn't let go so neither do I. Damn I would like to kiss him so badly right now. But then the constant reminder in my head goes "You can't kiss him without messing everything up". When Louis at last leans away I almost want to hug him again. The light from the window is reflecting on his face and I can see his glossy eyes so clearly. They are bluer than ever before and it just makes me realize how truly flawless he is.

"God you're beautiful.."

I whisper. As I hear the words I quickly panic. Did I just say that out loud!? Louis adorable smile appears and I quickly calm down a bit. His cheeks flush as he reaches his hand out to gently caress my cheek.

"Oh if only..." He says but then quickly trails off. If only what? He then seems bothered by a thought and takes his hand away from my face. "Thank you..." He then corrects himself my saying. My heart immediately sinks. Fuck he really knows how to play with my emotions. "Have you heard from the job yet?"

He asks. Apparently changing the subject. I shake my head.

"No, not yet... They said they'd text me."

"Oh okay. Well let's go catch a movie. What do you say?" He suddenly catches me off guard by saying.

"Like, going to the cinema?" I ask surprised. Louis' adorable smile creeps up again and he chuckles.

"What else stupid"