Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 77.

"How are ya feeling? Better?" Louis whispers into my ear as he squeezes me tighter into him. We're seated on the couch all tangled up watching Friends. I'm on his lap with our legs intertwined and his warm arms embracing me. His scruffy tiny hint of a stubble tickles on my neck. I'm wearing nothing but underwear and the biggest t-shirt I could find in Louis' closet. So here we are after my moment of despair, also known as mental breakdown in the shower. My hair is still dripping wet and all over the place. I'm still shaking like crazy, unable to keep my sanity in place.

I nod.

Yes. I'm obviously feeling a little bit better now, but I'm still in this trance. All those voices inside my head have started to fade slightly, but they're still there. They're there, reminding me of everything I want to forget. Childhood memories isn't the only thing. One thing that keeps driving me insane is the realization that Louis is sick. I mean, I obviously already knew that, but the thought of being without him is driving me crazy. As I look down at his hands holding me tight, I just start imagining how I'm supposed to live without their warm embrace.

"Louis I don't want you to leave me..." I find myself mumbling outside my head. Louis reacts. I can tell by the way his body stiffens. He shakes his head with a sigh holding me even closer, planting kisses all over my exposed neck and shoulder.

"I won't. I'm here baby boy, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He assures.

"But what if..."

"Harry. You're overthinking again." He snaps, obviously growing a bit impatient and frustrated with me. I decide not to push it so I just let the silence swallow me up. I reach for the television controller and switch the volume up. I guess we're just going to keep avoiding this topic forever so I better just stop trying. All my efforts are in vain anyway. You see, this is where the two of us collide. I like to talk about my feelings and discuss matters like these, while Louis on the other hand, he doesn't like to speak about any of it. He hates talking about his past or future. All that matters to him is the present and that sort of bothers me sometimes. Although I definitely see where he's coming from. If I was in his situation, I would also focus on nothing but the current moment.

"I just don't understand how I'm supposed to take care of you when I can barely take care of myself..." I finally manage to admit. Louis now lets go of me and turns to sit in front of me, face to face. My heart skips a beat as I fear that I might have pissed him off. He holds my hands and look right into my eyes.

"That's what I've been trying to explain this whole time. You don't have to treat me any differently. Nothing has changed. Okay? I'm still here and I will still look after you. Always." He says and I feel the warmth of his comforting words. His hand caresses my cheek and his thumb wipes away the tear escaping my eyelashes. "As long as you don't hurt yourself, I'll be okay."

"I-"

I don't even know what I was about to say, but all I know is that I was rudely interrupted when the doorbell rang out of the blue. Both our heads turn to the door and with a exhausted groan, Louis gets off the couch and goes to open it. Leaving his spot empty and cold. I grab the blanket folded nicely on the edge of the couch and pull it over my exposed legs. My hair is still dump and I'm still shaking from the breakdown. My consumed thoughts are drowned under the sounds of the boys entering the apartment. Zayn, Liam and Niall all step into the hall, greeting Louis one at a time. I would stand up and greet them all politely but I'm still barely conscious mentally nor physically. Louis whispers something to them involving my name, but I don't bother trying to hear what he's saying. Probably just explaining why I'm acting strange. Louis comes back to the couch and squeezes in as close to me as possible, making room available for the other lads to sit. They all greet me verbally and I force a small smile at them. Niall and Liam squeeze in next to us on the couch and Zayn takes a seat on the armchair facing us.

"So uhm... It's a no then?" Zayn almost whispers to Louis. I look at them back and forth. What are they talking about now? With his arm around me Louis shakes his head and mouths 'no'.

"What?" I ask. They all start looking at each other awkwardly until Louis Liam finally speaks up.

"We thought we'd go down to the pub tonight. We sort of wanted you guys to join but... yeah." Partying? Again? The tension is really weird and I'm really beginning to feel like I've ruined their night with this stupid breakdown of mine. I surely don't feel like going out, but if Louis wants to I'm not going to be the reason he can't. I look up at Louis and he doesn't give much of a reaction, he just pushes his hair back.

"If you want to go you can." I say and see every single one of them turn hopeful but Louis. I can tell that they want him with them. I mean, he's always so fun to be around. Really good company. Besides, partying has always been their thing. I'm not gonna come here out of nowhere and put a stop to it.

"No it's fine. I really don't want you to be alone tonight." Louis clears his throat by saying.

"Why don't you come with us, Harry?" Niall suggests hopefully. I shake my head. I'm feeling so down right now. I will be a total buzzkill and ruin the night for all of them. Besides, the only reason they want me to come is so Louis can join them. They don't even want me to be there.

"He's right! Come with us! There's nothing a few drinks can't help." Zayn encourages. I keep shaking my head. But then again, maybe going out with them will be better than staying at home allowing myself to be as depressed as possible.

"It can be fun?" Louis says, raising his eyebrows at me. I sigh.

"Fine."