Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 46.

"I went to his flat the other day and..." Louis continues. Does he actually think that want to hear this!? I don't want to know what happened or how it happened! All that matters right now is the fact that he fucking cheated on me!

"STOP" I scream and cover my ears, whilst squeezing my eyes shut. I refuse to hear this. This has to be some kind of nightmare. It can't be true. It just can't! Louis would never hurt me... He would never hurt me! He's the only person I can trust. He would never do this to me. It can't be true. It just can't. I refuse to believe this. He places his hands on my shoulders as he usually does, but for once his touch repulses me. It just doesn't feel the same. Nothing does. I snatch away from him and step back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I scream. "DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

It doesn't make a difference if he "regrets it" or if "he was drunk". Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter if he was intoxicated. It doesn't matter if they fucked or just kissed. All that matters is that he lied and went behind my back. And the fact that he dared to pretend like he loved me when he had cheated on me with his ex is the worst part of it all. If this happened days ago, he's been playing me. And last night... Oh my god. He made me believe that I was the only one. He made me trust him. I have opened up to him about things I've never talked about with anyone before. I trusted him. I FUCKING TRUSTED HIM.

"Baby please stop crying, please just listen to me. Baby look at me" Those words have never been so unwanted before.

"Don't call me that!" I snap. "I TRUSTED YOU!" I scream with the most raspy voice ever. I grab a hold of the first thing I can find that happens to be a vase on the table, and throw it on the wall. It shatters into pieces and Louis flinches. He stands up and tries to make piece by grabbing my hand but I quickly snatch it away. "The fact that you didn't even plan on telling me!! I had to hear it from Sandy!! SANDY!... The guy that you..."

Suddenly the lump in my throat keeps me from saying another word. I just collapse onto the ground and bury my face in my hands. I suddenly digest the fact that this is actually happening. I feel so helpless. The ONE person that I thought would never hurt me now has. How am I supposed to be able to trust anyone ever again?

"Harry please... This is for the best..." Louis whispers as he gets down in his knees in front of me. For the best? What the fuck is wrong with him!? How is he cheating on me better than anything!? This is such a nightmare I just want to wake up. "Don't do this to me please... I don't want it to end like this..." He says and runs his fingers through my hair. His touch makes me weak but all of the sudden everything he does makes my stomach turn, cause all I can think about is him touching Sandy the exact same way.

"I can't do this. I'm getting out of here." I say and stand up, not willing to let Louis see me cry anymore for his satisfaction. Louis grabs me by my wrist.

"No stay here... please. Sleep here. I'm begging you." He says and my heart breaks with every soft plead from his lips. I don't even say anything, I just snatch my hand away once more and go into the bedroom. I close the door behind me as a way of telling him not to dare to come into the room. If i'm staying here tonight, He's sure as hell not going to sleep in the same room.

I walk in and undress and climb into the bed. Tears keep running down my face and as my sobs stop, I hear other sobs coming from outside the room. Usually it would break me to even think that Louis is crying, but right now I'm the one hurt. Not him. He's the one that caused this. Not me.

I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't seem to fall back asleep. My chest is filled with emotions and physical pain. I need to numb it somehow. I suddenly feel my wrist itch as a way of telling me how to numb the pain. I climb out of bed and try to be as quiet as possible not to wake Louis. As I walk past the living room I notice that Louis has fallen asleep on the couch all crunched up, seemingly freezing. Poor thing didn't dare to walk into the room and get himself a blanket. I would like to say that he deserves this, but I just can't see him like this. I go get a blanket and cover him up. I then hurry to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and search for the razor blades. It's not in it's usual spot. I start searching every single cabinet but I can't find it. Quite frankly I can't find anything sharp enough. What the actual fuck?

I walk into the kitchen and start searching there. Knives. Come on there must me some knives here. I search everywhere but I can't find anything. I grow really impatient as the voice in my head keeps getting louder and louder. Seriously, where did all of our knives go!? Is it possible that... I turn around and look at Louis. Of course. He fucking hid them. He probably knew that I would want to hurt myself so he hid every sharp thing in the apartment. FUCK. What am I supposed to do now?! I need to do something. I can't just let this aching pain take over me without drowning it out somehow.

Before I know it my mind has managed to drag me all the way back to the bedroom. I lay down on the bed and find a piece of paper sticking out of his nightstand drawer. Since I have nothing better to do I take it and read it. It's hid bucket list. Hm. Seems like he has added another thing to do.

¤ Spare him the pain.

Spare him the pain? Who? And what is that supposed to mean? I don't understand, but quite frankly I don't even care anymore. Tomorrow I'm going to Liam's house. I can't sleep here one more day.