Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 92.

Flashback:

"He's not coming back, Harry." Gemma's exhausted voice said. She stood leaned against the door frame of my room. Her hair was all tousled and all over the place. Her face still covered with the remains of makeup from the night before, and she was wearing Chad's big t-shirt. Chad was her best friend at the time but they acted a lot like boyfriend and girlfriend. Even though everyone knew Gemma had a boyfriend called Jack. Though I never saw Jack sleeping in her room, or Jack bringing her gifts, of Jack making her laugh. It was all Chad. Chad's feelings for my sister were obvious, but she never said that he was anything more than a friend.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." I mumbled. Still staring out of the window in this cold winter morning. I knew exactly what she was talking about but I was never able to admit it. I never wanted to admit that I missed my father. I kept assuring everyone that I didn't care about him walking out on us, when in reality I spent every day low key waiting for him to return. But he never did.

"You can't sit here all day. You have to go to school." She sighed but I just kept looking out as my vision got blurred out by tears. It was the first day of school and I just didn't want to go. I was so young and so scared that maybe he would return and see that no one was home and go. I was so naive to think he would ever return.

"Your sister is right, Harry. Come on, we can drive you there." Chad's deep hoarse voice said. I don't understand why I always was so surprised when he slept over. It was honestly quite a casual thing. Kind of a routine actually. Jack always made my sister cry, and Chad always ended up coming over to comfort her. "We can buy you some ice cream on the way."

He added. God, I really liked Chad. He was like the big brother I never knew I had. He was always so kind and I could tell that he really cared for my sister. She was always so happy around him. So... happy.

Moments later we found ourselves in Chad's nice car. I loved that Gemma and Chad offered to drive me to school. If my mother or babysitter would drive me I would never oblige. It was just so different with Gemma and Chad. They put on great music and sang along loudly and laughed and bought me ice cream. It was all just the perfect way to start the day. I remember always wishing that Gemma would forget her stupid boyfriend and be with Chad instead. Cause I remember how sad Chad was every time she would choose Jack over him.

"Your babysitter will pick you up after school, okay?" Gemma assured as they parked the car outside my school. And just like that my mood went from extremely happy to depressed. I refused to leave the car now and it kind of frustrated them. I just ignored them and kept my seatbelt on, staring out of the window looking at the snow falling.

"Harry, don't you like your babysitter?" Chad asked. He always knew exactly what I wanted to be asked. While others only focused on school and why I didn't want to go to school Chad focused on the bigger picture. I shook my head.

"No. I'm 13. I don't need a babysitter." I said with my arms crossed. Chad turned to see me properly as I sat on the backseat. He carefully grabbed my arm and pulled my sleeve up, just to reveal all of my cuts.

"Yes you do. We need someone around to make sure you don't do things like this" He said. I always found it astounding how much he cared for our entire family. He was right about so many things, but not about this. I didn't need a babysitter to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself. The babysitter was the REASON I hurt myself. But how could I possibly try to explain something to them that I didn't even understand myself?

**

I wake up in the complete dark, sweating like crazy. I am completely out of breath and my heart is pounding fast. I turn the nightlight on and turn to the clock. It's 5am. Gosh, these simple little flashbacks are making me suffer as if they were haunting nightmares. But this is even worse, because these reoccurring things are not dreams that my mind have made up, but memories reminding me of things I ache to forget. I feel every inch of me shiver. Where did they go? Why did Gemma have to leave us? Why did Chad disappear? Why am I sitting here all alone, shaking like a puppy? Why am I coping with this on my own when the most amazing human being is in the next room?

I turn to look at the door to Louis' bedroom. I get out of the thin blanket and walk across the living room, legs literally shaking with every step that I take. When I get into Louis' room I turn the ceiling lamp on to wake him even further. I shouldn't even be bothering him after everything I've done, but I can't think straight right now. All I know is that I need comfort from him and only him.

"L-Lou?" I stutter. He doesn't react. I then carefully walk further into the bedroom and sit down on the floor right next to his bed. I try my best to wake him in a way that doesn't necessarily startle him. So I gently put my hand on his bare arm and shake it lightly. "Please wake up. Please."

Before I know it his eyes are fluttering open, and I am blessed with his sapphire blue eyes. His forehead immediately wrinkles as he frowns at me, concerned. He sits up and looks at me with all the compassion in the world.

"Harry? Why are you up? What's wrong?" He almost whispers in the most sincere way ever. He scratches his eye like a kitten and looks at me through his long eyelashes. "Have you been crying? Wh-what happened?"

"I.... I miss her, Lou... I miss her so much..." I sob and look down at my bare shaky legs. As soon as Louis realizes that I'm talking about Gemma he climbs off the bed and gets down on the floor next to me.

"Come here" He whispers and pulls me into him. I bury my face in his chest and cry like a baby. He pats my back and I suddenly feel the empty void fill with nothing but him. His familiar scent, his love and his warmth. Just like that I feel myself calm down. Louis is the only one capable of that.

"It was my fault" I cry and Louis shakes his head, while caressing my back.

"That's not true. Don't say that" He says and I can't help but to cry even more.

"If I hadn't convinced mom to let her go to that stupid party she would've still been alive now" I explain and Louis sighs. I can tell that he's still a bit angry with me and that that's why he doesn't have patience for this right now. Besides, he seems really tired to deal with this shit right now.

"Harry stop..." He says and I notice his voice getting weaker. He's still holding me in his arms so I can't see his face. I suddenly hear him sob into my neck. "Please don't cry... please"

He whispers, and I can't tell if he's telling me or himself. I lean back and our eyes meet. His eyes are red with tears turning his eyes glossy and cheeks wet. I'd like to question why he's crying but I'm afraid to open a can of worms.

"I'm sorry for being so cranky today..." I say as he cups my face, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

 "Don't worry about it, princess. Come here." He breathes and helps me up to the bed. He tucks me in and I stare at him until he at last lays down behind me and wraps his arms around me. Suddenly my heart swells and I can fall asleep again. That's the effect this man has on me.