Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 72.

We've officially reached 10K you guys! Thank you so much! I'm honestly so surprised... I never expected any of the feedback I've gotten. My goal is to reach 15K by my 19th birthday that's in a few months. You're the best. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Love always, S.

*****

The sound of the crackling fireplace in the wonderful combination of the wind howling outside my window relaxes me. It brings me such relaxation to sit here, all wrapped up in a knitted blanket, staring at the fire. The window is open so the wind is chilling enough for the perfect temperature. I need this. I need to be alone in this living surrounding, alone with my thoughts. There's just so much bothering my mind right now. I need to relax and sort it all out.

I have been uneasy these last couple of weeks and it is time for me to think everything through and make some right, mature decisions. I need to focus on the important questions. What's best for our situation? What's best for him? And most importantly. What's best for me?

My mother always did tell me that I have a habit of putting other people's happiness before my own. Guess that's just because I think they deserve it more than me... But you know what? It is okay to be a bit selfish sometimes. You need to put yourself first sometimes, that's just the way it is. Besides. The decision that I want to make right now is not even the best for any of us. But it is what I want. So for once in my life, I'm going to follow my heart and what it desires.

This must be love. In my 21 years on earth, I have never felt alive until I met him. I'm telling you. If you're still up at 2am, with this one person on your mind, ask yourself this... Is he worth it? Well this is how I know.

No place has ever felt like home, except for where ever he is.

My heart aches for him every second that he's not around.

Everything around me is a reminder of him.

No matter who it is, I know for a fact that no one will ever be able to replace him. Ever.

So if you can't go a day without thinking about this person, you have two choices to make. Either do something about it and take a risk, or you let go. But you have to make a decision once in for all. Get closure. I'm sorry, but there's no in between. You can't go on thinking that things may work out on its own. Take matters into your own hands. It's hard, I know. It's almost never easy when it matters the most, and that's the hardest part about it.

"Harry?"

As the name that has never sounded as beautiful before reaches my ear, I find myself wondering if I'm ever going to grow tired of hearing that angel-like voice. I close my eyes and just wish to make it through this without it ending in a fight. I am finally somewhat at ease. I need to handle this in the best way possible.

I take a deep breath in a attempt to calm my nerves further. The sound of the fireplace is now muted by Louis soft footsteps approaching me. That's when I suddenly feel another type of warmth embrace me. He has joined me on the carpet floor, hugging me from behind and guiding me onto his lap. Without a single word I sit and let his comforting arms surround me. He holds me tight and leans his head on my shoulder, causing my stomach to flutter with butterflies, yet ache with distress.

"Before you say anything I just want you to know that I love you" Louis whispers in his unsteady voice. I feel a lump immediately grow in my throat as I try my best to keep from crying. He turns his head so that we're face to face with barely any space between. His blue orbs are looking more grey next to the fireplace, but all I can seem to focus on is how tired and glossy they are.

He gently runs his fingers through my dark curls and leans forward. He presses his lips onto mine and doesn't seem to want to let go. He breaths in deeply as he caresses my cheek with his warm hand. Just the thought that I might go one day without his kiss... Without his touch... Without... him? The thought is enough to trigger my tears. As soon as they start running he leans away, once again taking my breath away with his gorgeous eyes. His face is now puffy and cheeks pink. His expression when he looks me in the eyes... So heartbroken... So lost. So confused.

"You're going to leave me, aren't you?" He states rather than asks. His eyes are so lost in mine, as if his entire world just fell apart. I notice that his lower lip starts trembling. No, he can't cry. I can't stand to see him cry. Not Louis, not my angel. "See this is why I never wanted to tell you. I knew you would want to leave me I-"

He stops mid-sentence, completely interrupted by his own sobs. He covers his face with his hand as I am certain that he's crying his eyes out. I want to say something, anything, but the lump in my throat won't let me. So I let actions speak louder than words. I take his hand and bring it to my mouth, planting a soft kiss as I gently rub his hand with my thumb.

"Louis, look at me." I whisper. He looks up at me once again, with a mixture of confusion and a hint of hope. I catch my tears continuing to run down my cheeks as I look at his tearful eyes. "I'm not leaving."

I finally manage to say, and the whole world stops. His face lights up in the most pure crinkled eyed smile ever, but the tears don't stop running. I expect him to be happy and hug me tightly, but instead he takes both my hands and sits right in front of me.

"I hope you know what this means, Harry. It won't be easy... It-"

"I know, but none of that matters. I swear, I won't ever leave your side. I will be here for you until your last breath. No matter if it's a month from now, a year... Or even til we're grey and old, sitting on a porch with our grandchildren running around our porch. I... I don't know." I say with such a raspy voice that I start to question if it even belongs to me. It's just so hard for me to speak when all I want to do is cry. A tear runs down his cheek and I capture it with my thumb. Pushing Louis' hair away from his eyes. "All I know is that I want to be with you."

Louis smiles once again in a sad light smile. He then pulls me in for a hug. With his arms around me, he buries his face in my neck. I keep crying cause I honestly don't know what else to do.

I want him to be happy. That's all I want. Even though I know this can end up really, really bad... But it won't make it any easier if I leave now, knowing I could've stayed until the very end. Besides. He saved my life, in more ways than one. No matter how much I've tried to deny it in my head, I love him, and I will not turn my back on him. Especially not when he needs me the most.