Survive [Larry Stylinson]

Chapter 71.

"I've wanted to tell you this from the beginning... But he wouldn't let me." Liam says and looks down at his hands. I shake my head. After wanting to find out the truth for such a long time, I wish he never told me. I thought I was prepared for whatever it was. I thought I was ready, all I knew was that I deserved to know the truth. Little did I know they would drop this bomb on me. And now Louis is at the door, and I will have to look him in the eyes with the knowledge I now have. I don't think I will be able to bare it. I really don't.

"He has known about it for five years now. But there was a time we thought he was cured from it..." He begins and I suddenly notice his eyes swelling up. It is so strange to see him this vulnerable in front of me. "He wasn't. He got a letter home. The one you never opened. It basically said that his health was only getting worse. That's why he went to visit his family. And THAT'S why I ordered that trip to Barbados."

Everything is falling into place now. It all suddenly makes perfect sense. That's why he has always had trouble breathing. That's why he could disappear every now and then. That's why he could faint out of nowhere and that's why... That's why he didn't want to be with me. He knew he was dying and he wanted to spare me the pain of getting too attached and watch him struggle with this disease every day of his life. I'm in such shock still. Yet I can't get myself to cry. I'm still trying to digest all of this.

"Listen. When he opens that door you have an important choice to make. Either you break up and go separate ways, making it easier on both of you. OR you stay by his side no matter what. But in that case you will have to be ready to face the consequences. Together."

Holy shit. This is so much at once. I literally just found out and now I have to decide weather I want to leave him or not? Oh god...

"Good luck, man" Liam says and walks out of the living room. I stand up and stare out of the window. I can hear him opening the door for Louis. "I thought Harry left? Why is he..." I hear Louis asking Liam. Liam doesn't answer he just hugs Louis and leaves the apartment, leaving the two of us alone.

I stand by the window biting my nails nervously. I hear Louis' footsteps approaching. My heart beats louder and faster as the clock ticks. It all just feels so surreal. Like, is this actually happening? Can't this just be like a horrible nightmare that I will be woken up from any second now? I at last turn around to see my most precious Louis standing there as he takes his coat and shoes off. He stares at me and walks into the living room with concern in his eyes.

"Harry...? What are you doing here? I thought..."He mumbles. And oh fuck, that's were everything comes crashing down. It all hits me at once like a grenade. I walk up to him but as I reach him my legs give in and fall down on my knees in front of him, hugging his legs as I burst out crying. Louis doesn't even say anything. Within that moment, I don't even have to say a word. He knows. He knows I found out the truth. He gets down on his knees to face me and I'm completely defeated. He drops his bag of groceries on the floor and cups my face. I probably look like a sobbing mess as he looks like the angel himself. He has a cute little beanie on his head with his adorable little fringe sticking out with his breathtaking blue eyes are looking back at me.

"I love you so much, I'm so sorry for everything. I should've known, Louis, I should've known" I cry. He shakes his head and I bury my face in his chest. He caresses my curls and tries to comfort me. I hear him sob above me and I grab his small little hand in mine and intertwine our fingers. God I can't even imagine living life without being able to hold his hands. These small sweet hands. Just the thought of never being able to be in his arms like this. With our warmth shared with one another and his familiar scent telling me I'm home. These thoughts are eating me. Just imagine not being able to hear the heartbeat in his chest? How am I going to survive without him here? How?

"It's okay. Everything will be okay" He assures in a heartbreaking whisper, even though we both know it's the biggest lie told yet. The way he coos that sentence in my ear and caresses my hair reminds me of how my mother used to comfort me back in the days. Gosh, this is pulling me down in every way possible. Down the haunting memories lane. Shit. I lean my head back to see him pushing my fringe away from my face and wiping my tears away. "I love you Harry. Always have, always will. So please stop crying. Please please please stop crying"

"I'm so sorry. I love you too.. I'm so sorry for everything I've ever done or said! If I had known-"

"Schh it's okay. I should be the one apologizing here" He says and kisses my forehead. Oh my god I don't want to stop hugging him ever. Now that I know the truth I never want him out of my sight. It's like, he has always been the guy that can take care of himself and doesn't need anyone to tell him what to do. He's always been so independent and been so secure with taking care of him self. But suddenly, I feel like he's been fighting this disease everyday of his life for the past five years and all I've done is make it harder on him.

God, I don't know what to do anymore. He can slip right out of my hands and there will be nothing, nothing I can do about it. "But you don't have to deal with this. I completely understand if it's like... too much for you to handle... I wouldn't... judge you"

He chokes in a way that makes me feel like he's being forced to say that. Just the thought of leaving him when he needs me the most is suffocating me. But I've already been through so much. I lost my dad, I lost my sister... Can I really handle losing him too?