Widow Sisters and Friends (Restoring Our Broken Hearts)

What About Me?

Summary: After Natasha and Yelena accompanied Kate to visit her mother in prison, Kate has been deeply hurting, so Natasha spends more time with her. While Yelena understands why, the insecurities and doubts begin to creep in upon her in Natasha's absence over the course of a week, and she ends up acting irresponsibly and rashly in a way that exposes all of her feelings to her big sister.

   "Hey, sweet girl," Natasha greeted, and Yelena paused immediately in the hall. It took all of her self-control not to turn and go bounding over to Natasha. She turned to face her calmly, mustering a smile.

"Hey," Yelena returned, and Natasha stepped closer with a grin. Yelena swallowed hard as she took in her sister's features more fully than she had been able to in a whole week.

The entirety of the week since Natasha and Yelena had accompanied Kate to go and visit her mother in prison, Natasha had been spending a lot of Kate. It was not that she was ignoring Yelena, but she was giving Kate more attention than usual because the visit had taken a severe toll on the young archer.

Kate had been so terribly in pain, and she had cried the entire way home from the prison. She had been utterly heartbroken from the entire thing, and Yelena was starting to see precisely why Kate was always so mellow and odd after her mother called her once every one or two weeks.

The worst part was that Yelena could not even bring herself to ask for extra attention for a multitude of different reasons. One of which was the fact that she could understand Kate's hurt and pain. She had been ready to hurt that stupid woman for hurting the poor kid, and some part of her was overcome with a protectiveness that baffled her and that somewhat resembled the manner in which she regarded Peter.

Granted, she did not care about Kate as much as Peter, but Yelena was still protective over innocent, dumb kids.

However, this simply led into Yelena's other predicament. Kate was so much more innocent and good than Yelena, and she knew that Natasha had a tendency to feel protective over kids as well.

Also, from what she had seen of Natasha that week, Yelena knew that she was having fun with Kate and that she was terribly fond of and protective of Kate. It was something that resembled in some odd way the way that Natasha looked at Yelena herself. It was not as strong, but it was definitely present.

Quite honestly, that terrified Yelena. She knew that she herself was broken, damaged, and so needy so often. And she knew that Kate, while hurting and carrying her own bit of baggage, was still far more salvageable than Yelena in her selflessness and her more natural cheeriness.

So, naturally it would make sense for Natasha to want Kate more than Yelena. The thought had depressed and terrified Yelena so deeply and so much that throughout the entirety of the week, she had worked her hardest to give Natasha and Kate space and distance. She knew that she was likely losing Natasha to Kate, but she did not want Natasha to remain with her simply from a feeling of obligation. She also did not want to annoy Natasha and drive her away further.

And she knew she was being selfish. Natasha did truly deserve so much better than her. It was just that Yelena could not stand the thought of someone else entirely taking her place. It was the only thing that was keeping her from letting Natasha go.

She had been doing her best to keep from letting her more selfish tendencies overtake her, and she had been purposefully distancing herself from Natasha all week. But now Natasha was here and unknowingly forcing Yelena to face her, and it was unbelievably and incredibly hard for Yelena to keep from just caving and demanding that her big sister stay there with her and that she never leave her again.