ROGUE

13 : Nightmare

Jason's POV
I tugged on the silk curtains and pulled them together, blocking my bedroom-window-view of the starlit city.
It was late, and I could no longer hear the muffled shuffling coming from Y/n's room.
Perhaps she had gone to sleep.

I really meant it when I told her I loved her.
And I'm not actually as screwed up as people may think.
Yes, I've done unforgivable things.
But I can't change my lifestyle.

I wanted it to change.
I wanted to make Y/n feel like a princess.
I wanted to be her everything.
But I can't.

I brushed my teeth as I got ready for bed. I had a horrible feeling, it was like someone was continuously punching me in my stomach with a metal hand.
I had never felt guilty before, ever. I had no idea why I was feeling it this time.

I heard my bedroom door creak open and Y/N walked in, her eyes were bloodshot and had black rings around them.

The feeling came again.

I did this to her.

"I c-can't believe what you've done." She croaked, her voice was broken and sad.

Shit. She knew.

I walked towards her slowly.
"Y/N... I had to." I admitted, reaching a hand out to stoke her cheek.

She flinched away.

"You didn't have to. I hate you. And I always will. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" She screamed, stamping her feet on the ground like a child.

"Y/N calm the fuck down." I snapped.

She continued to rampage. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" She repeated, waterfalls of tears falling from her beautiful eyes.

"Y/N." I warned, narrowing my eyes at her in anger.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" She screamed for the third time, I suddenly pulled out a gun and pointed it at her head, only as a threat, but my finger slipped and I pulled the trigger, a loud bang echoed in my room and y/n's body fell limply to the ground, blood trickling from her head.

My eyes widened and I bent down next to her, my hands shaking like crazy.
I lifted her hand and desperately searched for a pulse, but I couldn't find one.

I covered my mouth with my hand.
"Y/N, Y/n please wake up." I said, my voice quivered as I shook her slightly, she didn't move.

But then her eyes flickered open, they were as empty as dolls.

"I know what you did."

~

I woke up hot and sweaty, my heart was pounding hard in my chest.
I tossed my sheets away and jumped out of bed, dashing into Y/n's room to see her sound asleep in the position I left her in when I carried her to bed after the police incident, I bolted over to her and hugged her tightly, she woke up in a panic.

"Jason, what the fuck?" She groaned in a raspy voice.

"I'm so sorry, I'll never hurt you, I promise." I said, hugging her tighter.

She pulled away and squinted her eyes as she looked at me.
"Are you crying?" She asked.

I didn't even realise until I ran my finger underneath my eye.
I could tell she was still upset with me, she was bound to be, I kidnapped her and killed her boyfriend, but she still had a glint of concern in her eyes which was exactly why I loved her.

I felt arms being wrapped around me, kind of loosely and very stiff but they were still comforting enough.

"What happened Jason?" She asked as she awkwardly hugged me.

"I killed you." I said shakily.

Y/N let go and let out a nervous laugh.
"What do you mean?" She asked in confusion.

"I had a dream where I killed you, I didn't mean to, but I still did." I whispered.

Y/N shook her head, "This is what this is about? You got yourself all worked up because of this? I thought you were tougher than that." She giggled slightly.

"I am tough," I shot back. "I just can't loose you."

Y/N embraced me in an awkward hug again. "It was just a dream, Jason." She whispered.
I hugged her back, her body felt so tiny in my hands. I could feel her ribs.

"I love you." I whispered in her ear, taking in the fact that she was actually touching me.

Y/N pulled back, her body was still stiff and her face was twisted in an uncomfortable expression.
"I'm gonna go back to sleep." She said simply.
I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly.
Y/N smiled but I knew it was forced.
"Um... I guess you can stay in here if you're scared of having another dream." She mumbled, visibly cringing at her own words.
I beamed and climbed under the duvet. Y/N fidgeted uncomfortably.
"Don't touch me, please." She whispered before I even got the chance to wrap my arms around her again.

"Okay," I sighed. "And by the way, I'm not scared of having another dream, I'm just scared of loosing you." I admitted.

"What do you mean?" She mumbled, turning over so her back was facing me.

I wish I could tell her.

It seemed like minutes before I actually responded.
"It's hard to explain."
But when the words left my lips, I could hear her soft breaths, and quickly realised that she had fallen asleep.

I ran my fingertips along her arm lightly, she didn't even flinch, confirming the fact that she was no longer awake.
I wanted her to know all my secrets.
I wanted her to make me better.
I wanted to feel again.

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Thanks for reading :)
Sorry this one was short. I love you