ROGUE

11 : You Still Love Me... Right ?

Jason's POV

I held my dedicated gaze on her as I pushed my way through the crowds of dancing bodies towards the bar, where a young bartender was resting his elbows on the counter and holding Y/n's hand tightly in his, undoubtedly for comfort which is why I hardly minded.
Y/n's long hair was sprawled out as she rested her head on the polished surface, and her dark makeup was smudged slightly beneath her eyes. I noticed the slow movements of her mouth, and I could tell she was talking.
Probably not much sense, but she was still talking.

As I got closer, my heart pounded harder.
Rage, confusion and sympathy all layered together and pressured inside my head; which made it almost impossible for me to figure out how I was going to react to this.
I was mad at her, but a part of me understood why she did it, and the fact that it was mostly my fault made me feel a slight pang of hurt.

When I reached her, the bartender looked up at me knowingly and pulled his hand away. He shot me an apologetic glance and I nodded back at him in return, letting him know that I was thankful that he had looked after the literal mess of a girlfriend that was sitting in front of me. I sighed heavily and tried my best to bottle my anger and save it for when she was sober enough to feel regretful and guilty.

Irritably I clicked my fingers in front of her face until her droopy eyes found mine, and she returned my heavy sigh. "Jason." She whispered uneasily, still resting her head mindlessly on the bar counter. "You came for me."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well I don't think there are many other volunteers who are jumping at the chance to drive you back home, Y/n." I mumbled, watching intensely as she attempted to sit herself up straight.

"I'm sorry." Her eyes shut and she fell back from her lack of balance, and I quickly moved forward and snaked my arm around her to prevent her from falling and hurting herself. It was like some sort of messed up reflex that I just couldn't train. "I know you're mad at me." She slurred, letting the back of her head lean heavily and limply against my chest.

"We'll talk about it later." I shook my head. "But right now, all that matters is that you make it home without puking in my car." I said bitterly.

She let out another exasperated sigh. "Real charming, Jason." She said as I attempted to twist her to face me so that I could pick her up and get her the hell out of this place. "You ignore me for three days straight and then start worrying about the state of your stupid car. You're a keeper, really. I'm so proud of myself for attracting a psychotic murderer who drives fancy sports cars and cries about his sister who died years ago. Oh, and let's not forget the killing-people part." She rolled her eyes as she babbled quietly, and each word intensified the sudden temptation to leave her here and let her find her own way back.

When she was done, I gritted my teeth together and ignored the burning sensation in my chest which seemed to thin the air and blur my vision a little. I loved this girl, and hearing her say something so low felt like it was ripping into me. She wasn't the same person after we had lost our child, and no matter how strong my feelings were for her, the future that used to seem so positive and clear was beginning to feel nothing but none-existent.

I inhaled a sharp breath. "Let me pick you up so I can carry you to the car."

She tilted her head. "I can walk."

"You can't even sit." I looked up at the ceiling to try and act like my patience was running thin, but I was actually trying to fight back the tears that I could feel burning at the back of my eyes. I was losing her, and it petrified me that a small part of me didn't want to do anything about it. "Just do as I say so we can go home."

After a few seconds of gazing mindlessly at me, she groaned in defeat and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. Effortlessly, I scooped up her limp body in my arms and wasted no time to turn towards the exit.
"Do you hate me?" She asked out of the blue, staring up like a lost puppy.

I swallowed the ball of saliva in the back of my throat. "What makes you say that?"

"I can see it in your eyes."

"What do you see?"

"Nothing." She whispered. "I can see nothing."

I sighed in frustration. "Drinking has a few side effects, and blurred vision is one of them. You made your own mistake, so stop complaining."

"No." She shook her head desperately and clung onto me tighter as I pushed open the glass doors with my shoulder. "You don't have emotion in your eyes anymore. There's no love. You still love me... Right?" Her voice suddenly quivered with fear and I glanced down to see her big eyes pooling with water.

"Are you stupid? Of course I still love you. I'll always love you." I replied. "But... You need to show that you love me back, Y/n." I took a shuddering breath. "Or this just isn't going to work anymore."

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Thanks for reading

i'm so sorry for the long update