ROGUE

17 : I Just Want You Back

Your POV

I waited until the ceremony was over until I drove to the LockHart Town Square.
I didn't think I would be able to stand listening to the list of people who had died because of the man who did everything and more for me.
It would simply be too overbearing and I didn't want to put myself through anymore than I had to face.

When the sun slid down the sky and darkness took over, I made my way through the empty streets and towards the centre of the village where the statue was placed.
I knew it wasn't going to be of him, but when I arrived, the last thing I expected to see was a marble eagle.
It's wings were spread wide and free, and it's hooked beak was slightly parted. My eyes skimmed over every single detail - from the delicacy of its feathers to the threatening talons on its feet.
I found myself frowning.
An eagle didn't represent Jason at all.
He wouldn't have wanted this.

I sighed and slowly lowered myself to my knees, feeling my bare skin unpleasantly scrape against the rough cobblestone as I became face to face with the silver platter that read 'In Memory Of All Those Who Lost Their Freedom And Their Lives To Jason McCann'.

I couldn't prevent the tears that were welling in my eyes, and I held my hands together in my lap, wringing my fingers together and struggling to figure out how to ease the pain.

"Hey, Jason." I began in a whisper, feeling beyond stupid for talking to a marble eagle. I also felt vulnerable and fragile, but I knew that I needed to do this. I needed to say it all out loud to get it off my chest and out of my mind. "It's been a while and... I tried to pray to you once but I didn't really feel connected." A slow tear escaped from my left eye and I made no attempt to stop it, I watched as it fell from my face and landed on the stone ground beneath me. "I'm sorry for what you did to yourself, Jason. If I hadn't had pushed you away, you would still be here and we would be together like we were meant to be..." My breath hitched and my heart pounded faster. "You weren't supposed to give up... You weren't supposed to give up on us, Jason, you promised you wouldn't give up on us." I sobbed, my words suddenly speeding up along with the flow of my tears. "I need you and you're not here. I just want you to be here. I want you to come back. Please come back." I rested my elbows on my knees and bawled into my hands, crying hysterically like I had never done before. "I love you. I love you, Jason. I never meant to hurt you. I just want you back. Please! You're killing me." I sobbed like I had never done before, and everything I had kept inside for the past two years suddenly came flooding out like one long bad dream.
"I just want you back."

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"It's two o'clock in the fucking morning, Y/n!" Sam screamed at me only moments after I walked through the front door with my face ruined with smudged makeup and my eyes burning from the amount of tears they had cried. "Where the fuck have you been?"

I walked straight past him blankly and tossed my car keys onto the kitchen table. "A memorial, just like I told you." The tone of my voice frightened me in a weird way - for there was nothing to it. No emotion. No nothing.

"You're lying." Sam hissed, letting his visible anger-issues get the best of him. "You're always fucking lying."

I turned around to face him and dumbly pointed to the blackness that had smudged below my eyes and streaked its way down to my cheeks. "Does it honestly look like I'm lying to you, Sam?" I asked, screwing my face up at his idiocy. "Look at my face. Where else would I have been other than a goddamn memorial?"

"In someone else's bed." Sam sneered almost instantly, resulting in my jaw to drop open and hang in silence for a few moments.

"In someone else's bed?" I repeated, disgusted. "Are you fucking stupid?"

Sam threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Well let's see... You've been acting shady all day, you left the house all dressed up, and you've only just come home in the middle of the fucking night. The evidence is pretty clear, Y/n! You're nothing but a dirty slut."

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "Oh my god, you're so pathetic." I muttered, rolling my eyes and finally losing my patience. "Actually, if you want the truth, Sam." I hissed, raising my voice, gesturing wildly with my hands and taking a brave step closer to him so that our noses were almost touching. "I was crying over my ex-boyfriend who is now dead, and you will never make up for him because you aren't him. Oh, and believe it or not, you're just another fucking distraction so that I don't drown in the deep end from all the goddamn pain of missing him. Got it? So don't you dare start screaming at me and accusing me of sleeping with someone else when I don't even want to fucking sleep with you!"

As soon as I finished screaming in his face, his clenched fist collided with my jaw and sent me tumbling to the ground.
This wasn't the first time he had hit me, and part of me already knew it was going to happen because of the absurd time I had come home.
That was exactly why I took the chance to give him a piece of my mind, and now it was done, I doubted he would stop.

My head smashed against the ceramic tiled floor and my vision instantly blurred; God knows why I didn't pass out straight away, but I was conscious enough to feel a sudden searing pain in my stomach where he had begun to kick me.
I didn't care though, nor did I try to fight back.
Instead, I laid there like a toy doll and failed to make out exactly what profanities he was hollering at me.
It was only a matter of seconds until all my senses became non-existent and I sank into a black, empty nothingness.

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