ROGUE

39 : Deja Vu

Jason's POV

Maeve hugged her knees to her chest as I drove her home. "Why can't I know your name?"
She mumbled, chewing on her lower lip.

Pain struck through me as vivid memories of Y/n asking exactly the same thing flooded through my mind.
It was so, so long ago when I drove her home after she was attacked.
I remember telling her that my name was Justin, and I remember how traumatised she was.
I blinked back unshed tears and gripped the wheel tighter.
"Because me and you never met."

Maeve nodded sadly but didn't argue. "Okay."

"I'm sorry, Maeve," I began. "It's just that there's this one girl and... I don't know, I just can't be doing stuff like this."

"I understand." She nodded, sending me a reassuring smile. "Is she your girlfriend?"
She had asked me this before, but I had kind of dismissed her.

"I wish." I shook my head. "But it'll never happen. Not now." A hard lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it and tried to keep my face emotionless.

"Why not?" Maeve tilted her head, studying me.

I glanced at her with one eyebrow raised, before sighing and switching my gaze back to the road. "Because I messed up, really bad."
I rubbed my hand over my face. "I'm never gonna see her again, and there's nothing I can do about that."

"Really?" Maeve sounded genuine. "If you really love this girl, then why would you just let her go?"

"She hates me." I clenched my jaw and tried to keep my voice even.

"How do you know?"

"That's what she said."

"In the heat of the moment?" She said.
I glanced over at Maeve again and her head was still tilted, she had a look of sympathy drawn on her face as she spoke.

I bit my lip "Yeah, but-"

"And how many times did she say that she loved you?" She asked.

I shook my head, tears pricking the back of my eyes at the memory. "I don't know, but I know that she doesn't love me anymore. Not after what I did."

Maeve nodded, her eyes pooling with questions that she didn't dare to ask. "Have you tried calling her?"

I shook my head. "No, we only ended things yesterday. That's why I was at the club, I tried to distract myself," I shrugged. "I can't call her, Maeve. I need to leave her be."

"Well how are you gonna fix things then?" Maeve asked. "Distance doesn't always heal things, you know?"

"I don't think we can ever be healed," I squeezed my eyes shut for a split second. "I cut it too deep."

"Well," Maeve sighed in thought. "What would you say to her if she texted you first?"

"I doubt she would tex-"
My eyes widened as I remembered.
She had texted me last night, and I fucking ignored her because of how drunk I was.
"Holy shit." I mumbled.

"What?" Maeve perked up.

"Nothing, I just..." I glanced around the car for my phone, and mentally kicked myself when I realised that I had left it at home. "I just remembered something."

Maeve was about to say something but distracted herself when she obviously recognised the neighbourhood. "My house is that one." She said, pointing.
I nodded and easily pulled up on her drive.
When I stopped the car, she smiled warmly at me. "Thanks for the lift."

My heart ached once again as the striking memories of Y/n saying exactly the same thing flushed through my mind.
"It's alright," I managed. "And I'm sorry."

"For what?" She questioned.

"You know, for last night," I cleared my throat awkwardly. "If I knew that you were a virgin, then I wouldn't have done-"

"It's alright, honestly. I was the one who wanted to do it, and it was fun so I don't regret it." She smiled and pulled on the handle, opening the door and stepping out. "And by the way, I really hope things turn out right between you and your girl."
Without giving me a chance to answer, she shut the door, giving me one last smile before she scurried up to her house.

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Your POV

"Are you feeling any better, Sweetie?" Linda watched me as I sipped my cup of mint-tea.

I shook my head instantly. "Not really."
I was being honest at least, I felt insanely drowsy and every time I woke up from a slumber, I could barely lift my head off the pillow.

"I'm hardly surprised," Will walked into the room, rubbing a fluffy towel over his damp hair which was wet from a shower. "I've never seen anyone vomit so much."

My cheeks flushed and I barely felt comforted, not even by Bella who had stayed by my side twenty-four-seven throughout the whole day.
"I didn't ask you to witness it." I mumbled, irritation dripping from my croaky voice.

"I'm just saying," Will shrugged casually. "Maybe you should see a doctor or something."

Martin appeared by his side before I could look where he came from. "Or a mental doctor," he took a handful of chips from the crinkled packet that he was holding. "You seem pretty depressed, Y/n."

Will glared at him. "Shut the fuck up, man."

Linda raised her eyebrows. "Watch your language, we do not use those type of words in this household, especially when we have guests." She sighed, shaking her head.

"Whatever," Will rolled his eyes irritably. "I'm going out, be back soon."

"Excuse me, young man? Where are you going?" Linda watched him as he trekked across the room and headed towards the door, opening it as soon as he reached it.

"Out." He mumbled, before slamming it.

Linda sighed, shaking her head before standing up from the sofa. "I'm gonna start making dinner in a minute, is there anything you want to eat, Y/n?" She asked.
I shook my head, staring at my phone which lay lifeless on the coffee table.
"Sweetie, you need to eat at least something. I'd hate for you to get ill-"

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled.

I felt Linda's eyes drill into the side of my head for a moment, before she nodded in defeat and disappeared off into the kitchen.

As if on queue, my phone vibrated on the table and I literally jumped to see the message, twisting my stomach awkwardly and instantly feeling nauseous.
I grabbed it eagerly and unlocked it.

I cringed once again at my message to Jason, but my heart leapt at the reply beneath it.
I knew I shouldn't be feeling like that, but I couldn't help it.

'I'm glad you texted me. And no, I'm not ok. I'm going insane and nothing makes sense anymore. I'm sorry Y/n, but I miss you.'

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