ROGUE

62 : The Best I Can

Your POV

My tired eyes fixed on the door handle as it slowly twisted quietly, and then the door pushed open, revealing a battered looking Jason.
My breath hitched.

Dark bruises scattered along his jaw, and dried blood lingered unpleasantly beneath his nose.
His whole body quaked with exhaustion, and he sighed heavily as he entered the room.
However, the most disturbing part of his appearance was his hands:
His knuckles were a scorching red, and his wrists were completely skinned and covered with glistening blood, in his movements, Jason was careful to keep them completely still, signalising that they were badly damaged.
He managed to smile, and that settled an easy feeling inside my stomach.
"I thought you'd be asleep." He breathed out, slowly inching closer to the bed which I was sat crossed legged on.
I shook my head and bit my lip, unsure of what to say. Once close enough, Jason fell limply onto the bed and groaned. "You must be exhausted." He mumbled, resting his head on my lap and fluttering his eyes closed.

He was right.
I was completely burned out.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Not as exhausted as you." I gazed down at him, delicately tracing the line of nasty blemishes along his jawline - the result of a nasty fight.
"I don't need to ask what happened... do I?" I whispered.

Jason groaned once again, squeezing his eyes shut. "No." He began. "But Will isn't dead, if that's what you're thinking... I got distracted, and the next thing I knew, it was morning and I was cuffed outside Bella's house, covered in marks." He grumbled, pushing himself up so that he was sitting. He leant back against the headboard, and some sort of vulnerability flickered in his eyes.

"What distracted you?" I asked, skirting up beside him and carefully taking his damaged hand in mine.
I tried my best not to yawn.

Jason hesitated and stared blankly at the crisp duvet, before grabbing it and pulling it over his body as if he was using it as some sort of protection. "Um..." He began, trying to piece together the sentence in his head. He blinked and his eyes glazed over with a glossy sheen. "I used to have a sister, and... um."
He stopped, visibly trying to pull himself together. I felt my whole body tighten, and I knew he was about to release the secret of his family. He made the effort to squeeze my hand, searching desperately for some sort of comfort.
He looked away for what felt like minutes, and when he turned back, his expression was emotionless and showed no signs of distress.
"She died." He said, his voice shallow and empty.

I didn't want to push him, and I could tell that this was a touchy subject. "Did something remind you of her?" I whispered, inching closer so that my body was pressed up against his.

He was shaking.

"Will." He said blankly. "I saw Will and realised that he was the prick who used to pick on her when we were at school. And that's when I lost my concentration. Everything came rushing back and my head just... went." He raised his eyebrows and shook his head as he spoke, as if he couldn't believe himself.

I didn't know how to empathise, or comfort.
All I could do was blurt out the words that a man like him needed to hear.
"I'm here for you." I whispered.

"It's my fault she died, Y/n." Jason began to lose it, and his eyes glistened in deep pain.
He refused to let his tears fall, but the boy hidden behind the strong image of Jason McCann finally shone through.
"She'd still be here if it wasn't for me. And..." His voice cracked and it tore me apart. "And I just miss her." He whispered.

I reacted by embracing him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he shuddered at his own haunting memories. I felt his hands on my waist, and he pulled me onto his lap, making it easier for the two of us to intertwine.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled in his ear, feeling my heart ache from seeing him in such distress.
I wasn't only sympathising for the death of his sister, but I was also apologising.
Apologising for making his life hard.
He was troubled, and I only seemed to add more grief.
I made myself a promise in that moment.

I'm going to love him the best I can.

I delicately pressed my lips against his soft cheek, and let my fingers crawl up the back of his neck and tangle in his perfect hair.
"You're so strong and you mean so much to me." I promised, only wanting to feel closer to him.
I had to let him know about my feelings, because lately, even I knew that every fight had settled doubts. "And I don't know what I'd do without you."

Jason nuzzled his face in my neck, kissing it passionately and trailing down until he reached my collarbone. "I'm not going anywhere." He whispered, circling his arms around me and pressing his chest against mine. "I'm yours and you're mine. That's never going to change, baby girl. You don't have to worry." His voice was still quivering, but his words seemed to put both me and himself at ease.

His hands rubbed my back gently, and I was so tired that I could've fallen asleep in his arms then and there. "I love you." I whimpered, fluttering my eyes shut in satisfaction.

He kissed my shoulder lovingly, and noticed how unresponsive my body was becoming.
Gently, he gripped my hips and lowered me down beneath the covers of the bed before settling himself inside too.
By this point, my eyelids were heavy and I realised how exhausted I really was.

Jason's hands traveled to the zip of my sequinned dress, which still reeked of vodka.
I calmly let him pull it down, and closed my eyes as he peeled off the skintight dress from my tiny body.

Once left in only underwear, he tugged me closer, circling his arms around my bare waist and pressing himself against me.

"I love you too."

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