ROGUE

01 : Suicide

Jason's POV

A heartbreak is one of the worst things a person could ever go through.

It's an insanely painful feeling.
The heavy weight crushing on your chest.
The hot tears burning behind your eyes and rolling slowly down your cheeks.
The memories and faces torturing your mind.
The empty words and empty promises swirling around your head.
The feeling of your heart breaking in ways you don't believe will ever be repairable.

In some cases, missing someone can feel worse.

The distance between you and the person who you truly love.
The literal feeling of someone else holding your heart, so you can't feel anything at all until they return with it.
You stay awake at night, thinking about them.
You wonder if they're thinking about you too.
In some cases, you're thinking about how long it's going to be until you see them again.
And in other cases, you're thinking if you're ever going to see them again.

However, the feeling of missing someone combined with a heartbreak is indescribable.

And that's how I felt right now.

I watched the water pouring into my bathtub.
Kaine's bathtub.
I had been staying in Kaine's mansion ever since that night.
The night that clung on to the end of every thought, haunting me.

Y/n.
She was all I could think about.
Her eyes.
Her smile.
Her hair.
Her body.
Her laugh.
God her laugh.
I could listen to it all day.

It had been two months since I last saw her.
Exactly two whole months since I left her tangled in razor wire, bleeding uncontrollably in a muddy ditch.
And you know what the worst part of it was?
I left her.
I left her in someone else's hands.

Who had been taking care of her?
Cops? Nurses? Doctors?
I didn't care.
Because it wasn't me.
And it should've been.

She would never forgive me.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I shouldn't have left.
I shouldn't have left.
I shouldn't have left.

I shook my head and shut off the tap.
Then I climbed into the bathtub, filled with steaming hot water that burned my skin.

I slouched and let myself feel it.
I tried to let my bones relax.
I tried to push Y/n to the back of my mind.
But her face was drawn into my brain.
A constant reminder of how much I missed her.

I couldn't do this anymore.
I had cried every single day since I left.
Jason McCann never cries.
Smoking weed and drinking had become a far more regular thing.
I was practically always high and never sober.
Because of her.
Because I just couldn't miss her anymore.

She's probably safe.

That's all I wanted.
For her to be safe.

I was dying.
Without her, I couldn't live properly.
I didn't want to live.
Two months of trying to find her.
Two months of worrying about her.
Two months of breaking.
I was finally done.

I dipped my head beneath the water, feeling the threatening liquid cover my head.
There was nothing more for me.
This time, I didn't want to be saved from myself.

Her face filled my mind as I held my breath.
She had been my reason to live.
My reason to love.
But now she was gone, so there was no reason at all.

I thought about her until my lungs began begging for air.
Every cell in my body was screaming for the oxygen that I needed.
My head pounded, my chest burned.
This was it.
The end.

Until I saw her.
Her face was drawn perfectly into my mind.
And she was looking at me.

Her face.
Her cheeks.
Her eyes.
Her nose.
Her lips.

Her.
Y/n.

"Remember who you are." She said.

And then she was gone.
She disappeared from my mind quick as she arrived.

And I was still under the water, sinking deeper into the blackness that would soon enough swallow me whole.
And then there would be no coming back.

I made a promise to Y/n.
I promised I would find her.
I couldn't let her down.
Not again.

I heaved myself out of the heavy water, gasping and spluttering as I finally took a breath.
And even as she wasn't here right now, she still managed to save my life.

God, she had saved me so many times, and I couldn't even manage to save her from razor wire.

My stomach lurched.
But I would keep my promise.
And I would find her.

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Thanks for reading.
I know it was super short and I took ages to release the first chapter to the sequel lol.
Yes, I'm currently going thru a heartbreak that's why this chapter was so detailed lmaoooooo.

Any tips on how to get an ex back just let me know :) jk
Actually I'm not joking im being deadly serious

Love you ❤️