ROGUE

08 : You're Alive

Your POV

When our eyes locked, it felt like the world shifted beneath my feet. I could barely stop my knees from shaking or my mouth from hanging open in complete awe. Chris's reaction was the same as he stood in his doorway, staring back at me through an immediate glossy sheen.

I expected him to say something.
Anything at least.
But he didn't.
He just stared straight at me, his eyelids not even daring to close for a blink, it was as if he was frightened I would disappear - and be gone again. He looked different from the last time I saw him; the bullet wound hadn't caused any deformity like I had imagined, but it had blown out the light from his eyes and the natural tan of his skin. His features were the same; but he didn't really look like Chris.

I knew that randomly showing up at his door would be shocking for him; perhaps traumatising even, but I still struggled to find the decency of saying the words that I had rehearsed over and over in my head on my journey here. I was staring at the boy who had sat by my memorial every lunchtime ever since he was released from hospital, and I couldn't even manage to choke out a word.

What felt like minutes of silence passed, until a slow pearl-shaped tear escaped the corner of Chris's eye and he took a shuddering breath. When he spoke, the sound of his voice almost felt like I was asleep and dreaming, and I struggled to hold myself together. "You're alive." He eventually whispered, more to himself than to me. It was easy to say that he was trying to process what he was seeing, and he wasn't doing a very good job at it.

I sucked in a sharp breath, my mind blurring into blankness. "So are you." I breathed out, clenching my hands into fists at my sides to try and control my shaking. "I didn't think - "

I didn't get a chance to finish before I was pulled into a tight embrace, and Chris tried his best to hold back his heaving sobs whilst he buried his face into my shoulder, tightening his arms around my back and pressing his chest against mine. "You're alive!" He repeated, the unmistakable joy that etched its way into his voice made the tears in my eyes intensify to the point where I couldn't contain them anymore. "You're alive, you're alive!" He babbled, soaking my shirt and undoubtedly trying to convince himself that he wasn't imagining things.

"Yes, I'm alive." I whispered, subtly wincing at the foreign feeling of his touch that used to feel like home. That effect on me had definitely been adopted by Jason; but still, I reacted and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "And I'm here."

"...I can't believe this." He snuffled, trying to think of what to say and not even bothering to look up. "I thought that phone call from the other day was just some sort of sick prank... I'm so sorry I didn't call back... If I would've known - "

"Don't be stupid, Chris." I shook my head and softly laughed through my tears as I cut him off. "You shouldn't have found out through a phone call anyway."

He waited a moment before pulling back to study my face, holding onto my shoulders with a firm grip to convince himself that I was real and actually standing in front of him.
"What happened to you? I've heard so many rumours... but I never knew which one to believe." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to dispose of the tears that they held. "I thought about you every single day."

My breath hitched.
I wish I could say the same.

"I wasn't hurt." I dismissed briefly, hoping that he had forgotten how to read me like an open book. "I've just been through a lot. I'm okay now though."

He held his breath and slid his hands down my arms, dropping to my hands and holding them gently in his. "What happened?" He repeated, his eyes pooling with questions that he knew were too sensitive to ask.

"It's a long story." I flashed a small smile, pulling away and bringing my quivering hand up to my cheek to wipe away my tears. "What about you? Are you alright... after everything?" I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip and tilted my head, trying to identify any traces of a bullet wound on Chris.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, fully aware of what I was talking about. "Well, I nearly died." He shrugged casually, trying to eliminate the solemn pressure that lingered around us, but his eyes still glistened with water; mixed with both joy and sadness. "But I made it." His smile was undoubtedly forced, and I was aware that he didn't want to talk about it.

I nodded and interlaced my fingers together, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Do you know who did it?" I asked quietly, switching my eye contact to anything but him.

He hesitated warily before answering. "I don't think it's that much of a mystery, Y/n..." He said. "From what I've heard, you were kidnapped by Jason McCann, and I was shot a few hours before. That can't be a coincidence." He moved forward again and rested his hands back to my shoulders, which surprisingly caused me to flinch unpleasantly from the sudden awkwardness. "How did you get away from him?" Chris whispered, his eyes becoming even more teary. "How are you here?"

I cringed and dreaded the way that this conversation was going to turn if I didn't switch the subject fast enough. "It's, um..." I shook my head and thought hard for an explanation that just didn't arrive in time. "It's hard to explain. I really don't want to talk about it. Not now."

Chris nodded. "I get it." He whispered, stepping forward slowly to close the small distance between us. "I'm just... I'm just glad you're alright."

I forced a smile. "You too."

We stared at each-other for a moment, taking in each-others bewildered features whilst we both tried to process that we were actually standing in front of each other again.
Eventually, Chris shook his head and pulled on the tufts of his brown hair. "Fuck." He muttered under his breath. "I'm gonna need a drink to help me understand what's actually happening." He said.

I perked my head up a little straighter. "I could really do with a drink right now." I admitted, suddenly alert. "I've got a lot on my mind."

Chris rubbed the back of his neck once again, now appearing even more uneasy. "I don't think we have anything in the house." He sighed, before glancing down at the black leather watch which was strapped to his wrist. "But there's a new club that just opened down town, I think it'll be a good place to... relax for a while." He said hesitantly, clearly unsure if this was the right time to invite me to a nightclub. But in the moment, I was so flustered that I literally didn't care.

I nodded. "That sounds good." 

————————

thanks for reading