ROGUE

68 : Insecurites

Your POV

My skin crawled as my sickly reflection stared back at me in the crystal mirror.

I looked horrendous in my new yellow bikini that Jason had kindly bought me as an early birthday present; it was one of many, but I had picked out this one today because I thought it would look nice in contrast against my already-tanned skin.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

All twelve of my bony ribs were unpleasantly visible, due to the little food that I ate during my separation from Jason.
Webs of white spidery scars crawled hauntingly around my thighs, and they plagued the unlucky skin on my wrists as well.
I showed no detectable signs of being pregnant either, which only caused my mind to scatter even more.
To sum it up, I looked one hell of a mess.

How could Jason possibly be 'in love' with that?

I sighed in frustration.
It was our first morning in paradise and I was already panicking over the way I looked.
Pull yourself together, Y/n.
We were only staying for five days, and I was dedicated to make each one count before we would fly back to America, two nights before my birthday.

Shaking my head, I scooped my hair up into a tight pony tail and listened to the distant shuffling from behind the bathroom door, only seconds before I heard a gentle knock.
"Babe? It's hot outside, remember to put sunscreen on." Jason's early morning voice carried through the room and my skin tingled.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, dad." I called back, letting my eyes search along the counter for the yellow bottle of sun-protection.

Jason chuckled lowly. "Damn, you should call me that more often, baby girl."
In that moment, I imagined Jason's smirk, that I knew would be plastered onto his face like a stain. His smirk was beyond perfect though - even though sometimes I wanted to slap it right off.

"Shut up." My lips managed to tug up into a subtle smile, but the slight disappointment in my voice was unmistakable, and my expression quickly dropped when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror once again.
I had already rummaged through my new suitcase in hope to find a full swimsuit, but I had no luck.
Not once in my life had I ever felt critically self-conscious.
Maybe I had felt insecure, but never to the extreme of wanting to stay inside purely because I felt so damn ugly.

"You alright, baby?" Jason suddenly sounded unsure as he saved me from my thoughts, and by this time, I could hear him right beside the door.

I quickly collected myself together and tried to convince myself that I was being over-dramatic.
It's okay to look like this; it shows what I've been through and that I survived it.
"Yeah, of course I am." I smiled, shaking my head at myself.

"Okay," He mumbled. "Hurry up, cause I wanna go to the pool." He said childishly, which only lead me to chuckle and roll my eyes once again.

"You go down, I'll meet you there." I said, reaching for the sunscreen and then squirting a dollop of the uncomfortable substance into my hand.

"Fuck that." The door handle twisted and squeaked slightly, before the door was pushed open and Jason stepped inside. Black swim-shorts hung loosely and dangerously low around his waist, and his tattooed chest was completely bare, revealing the intense muscle power that he possessed. The sight of his body always made me feel weak at the knee, and my heart fluttered to know that this man was mine.
All mine.
A thick gold chain glistened around his neck as it caught the light, and he stepped closer to me slowly, his teeth sunken into his lower lip. "We're going down together, like a couple." He titled his head adorably, instantly making me smile.